Youngest Child becomes Caregiver by Default

by Brenda

My mother is 101 years old but still lives by herself in her own home. Over time it has fallen to me to help with her household chores due to her decreasing mobility and low vision.

My oldest sister who is almost 80 is still in good health but lives 2 hours away. She comes to help out and stay when she can but she is becoming frail herself and gets tired easily.

My second sister has her own health issues and doesn't drive. She lives close by and comes to visit about once a week. my third sister lives 1200 miles away and only comes to visit once or twice a year.

So it falls to me, at age 64 to help with the daily chores. I can see that it is increasingly difficult for her to manage on her own but she refuses to let anyone other than family do anything for her.

Sometimes I feel resentful that it falls on me but when I compare what other people have to do it doesn't seem like such a big deal. However,I do feel tied down sometimes.

All I can say is I promise myself I will never expect my children to have to take care of me.

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Feel blessed that your Mom is that old and STILL able to do a little for herself. You only have to help out and yes, eventually you will have to either place her and take her into your home unless she goes home to glory before then.

I understand your resentfulness and it is normal...don't feel guilty for your feelings. I have my Mom at home with me FULL TIME and I don't like it.

I took her out of a nursing home because they weren't taking good care of her. I wish I had left her there, but it's too late now. So I will just have to deal with it.

At 101, she shouldn't be needed help much longer.
Good luck and God bless.

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