You Are Not Alone....

by Anonymous

I take care of my dad (76, Vascular Dementia, sub-cortical Dementia and Alzheimer's plus Ischemia). I am 49 and still have an autistic 18 year old at home. I am so done with this.

I gave up furthering my education and a career to take care of him. I am the only surviving child. In the 2 years I have been doing this I have gotten him sober and cigarette free.

Growing up he was an abusive alcoholic and we were estranged for a few years. But I truly believe nobody deserves die alone and unloved, right?

But he really tests that theory.He may be sober but he is still a nasty, controlling jerk. I so desperately want a time machine so I can go back and not do this all over again.

I have had to deal with death threats and paranoia on top of the regular dementia routine. (and yes, paranoia and aggression can be a normal part of the dementia routine, I know).

I have no privacy, he gets jealous of anyone I talk to,if he can't have friends I can't have friends... well, dude, you had no friends before this. You are a jerk and chase everyone away! Not my fault you chased off all your wives and friends.

God, I want out!!!

Sun downing, shadowing, you name it we have been thru it or are currently dealing with it. And of course, this feeling is all the time or constant... just when I am tired and he has been especially horrible.

Sometimes there is a decent person hiding in there.But jeez, it sure would be nice to have my own life......

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to You're Not Alone ...
by: Anonymous

The more I read on this site the more astounded I become by so many people in this country becoming their parent's caregivers. We all start out trying to do the right thing.

But being humanitarians at this level is very difficult. It starts messing with your psyche.

The only thing I ever heard that sorta makes sense about it is that being with your parents in their last years gives you an opportunity to make peace with them. I've accomplished that.

Now my mother is just plain helpless and can't do much for herself any more. I feel such compassion for her. Being 94, helpless and knowing how useless she is is so hard on her.

If I had only known how difficult this situation could become I would have done everything within my power to get her settled in a good assisted living place so I could still have my life.

I am 66 and beginning to have my own aging issues that prevent me from doing so many things I used to love doing. Now I wonder what will be left of myself to enjoy by the time my mother is gone.

Bottom line, its hard to put yourself first when an older person you love needs so much help. We just have to fight for our own time to re-energize and find balance. Sometimes I feel like that's impossible.

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