Yes a Bit Resentful
Well hello there to anyone reading this. YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN YOUR FEELINGS!!!! A bit about me...I am 59 years old and have been married to my husband (not my first) for a mere 4 years. We were a month into our marriage when my, now 88 year old Mom, came and lived with us (bless my husband).
She has Parkinson's and associated Alzheimer's and Dementia. We have a caregiver come in the weekday afternoons and while I love the caregiver (and so does my Mom), my Mom is more concerned about the caregiver then she is with me.
I feel she is often jealous of me (on the rare occasion my husband and I do get a sitter and go out, my Mom always tells my husband how handsome he looks, but nope, nothing said to me - lol kind of).
I feel that I am the one that has given up the most (valuable one-on-one time with my husband and being able to accompany him on business trips) and my Mom is the least nicest to me. I have a brother (who lives 200 miles away) and he gets to go on trips and dinners and just a spur of the moment movie, but I have to make arrangements all of the time for my Mom to even go to a simple dinner with my husband.
So, yes, I am a bit resentful. Hard to sacrifice for someone that doesn't seem to appreciate it (yes, I know her mind is not as it is, but honestly, she has pretty much always been a princess at heart).
My brother's life has not been altered at all by our elderly Mom, but yet mine has been immensely. He doesn't call, visit, offer to take care from time to time, etc.
My own personal thoughts are that I do not want to place her in a home (eventually the finances could run out). I am tired of loosing valuable time with my husband, especially as we are entering our own twilight years.
Honestly, I most often times, wish my Mom's journey was soon to be done. I know it sounds mean and I am truly not a mean person, just being brutally honest.
I say that being a caregiver is "an overwhelming blessing" more often lately I would say simply "overwhelming".
This message board has proofed valuable just reading that others feel the same way and I can stop beating myself up for feeling the way that I do.
It's a challenge in every aspect at times.