by Anonymous
(Vermont, USA)

I'm so sorry everyone is going thru this but I'm so glad to know I'm not alone!

My mother was never very nice to me. In fact she was mean. When I was a child I knew not to bother her for anything. Not even help with homework. I took care of my little brother so she wouldn't get mad and make everyone miserable. But nothing was enough. She would even tell lies about me to my father and her friends. Not big things but stuff to make her sound important.

When we moved to Vermont I felt guilty leaving her in Texas so we brought her with us. I'm 48 years old but some days I feel like I'm 12. She even tries to compete with me for my husbands attention!

He's polite but tries to avoid her as much as possible. She purposefully does things to annoy me, complains about my dogs, refuses to do anything to help out but expects me to jump when she wants something done. She's rude and hateful and often says or does things she would NOT tolerate from me if it was her house.

She says embarrassing things to anyone who comes to the house. She once told the cable guy to "stick around, we'd make it interesting". We moved to fairly small community so I can just imagine what the other wives must think of us.

She only gets social security so we don't ask her to pay anything. In fact, we even pay for her cell phone but she told someone we charge her rent and told her she wasn't going to live with us for free. She lays little traps so she will have something to be mad about.

Like the time she had a cold and acted like she was going to take the dog's antibiotics then got mad because I thought she was going to take animal medicine. But later she told me I was a "know-it-all" and when she worked for a veterinarian in the past he use to give them to the office people all the time. OK I guess, if know what you're taking.

I've told her she needs to find a place to go but she said "I'm not going anywhere." I was trying to do right by her but sure wish I had left her in Texas.

Now the only way to get her out is to get a formal eviction and I don't know if I can go thru with it. She calls me an evil person for not letting her have her way but I'm really soft hearted. Not a push-over but, really can I evict my own mother? I know I have to do something. She has even threatened to "bring my world crashing down."

Anyway thanks for letting vent. May we all find some peace before we explode or implode or have heart attacks!

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Sister Moving Two Hours Away
by: Lisa

Great Web-site, Thank you.

I need the forum here to help please.

I have been the sole caregiver for my mother the last 10 years, I have a sister who lives 2 minutes away and has said she would help - just let her know what is needed. I don't know if it's a caregiver trait to try and do all yourself, but I never really relied on my sister and now she s moving away (2 hours).

I feel like I couldn't breath when I found this out. I was so used to "Knowing" she was close by-it was a comfort and now I feel totally alone.

My co-workers who know the story for years, have said -it is a bad idea for her to move at this point in life. I have heart issues myself and my mothers health is not improving.

Is it wrong to let my sister know that I really need her to be close by ?
Thank you. I have no other family to rely on.

Give her a choice
by: Anonymous

You and your husband (together) need to inform her that she has to attend family counseling with you or else you will move her back to Texas.

She of course will flip out and refuse. Then get her on a waiting list for Title 8 housing which she will be able to afford on Social Security. In my town some of the seniors only pay $25 per month.

Get her out before she destroys what is left of your marriage. I know.

by: Leasa

If I showed you a water well and told you the water was toxic would you still drink from it?

For the sake of your husband, and your marriage you must immediately get counseling to figure out why you feel you owe this venomous snake of a lady your life. Because that's what you are giving her in return for her callous, cold, evil mothering.

Then, while getting this help, put your house up for sale and move again. Make it clear to mommy dearest that she is not moving with you.

Just so she can't misunderstand, put it in writing, including all the reasons why (this letter you wrote is a good start) and make it clear she is not moving with you.

Let her say what she wants. Stay in counseling. Learn to love yourself. Don't let her destroy the rest of your life.

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