Wife of a Caregiver to his Elderly Mom
We sold our home and moved in with my mother-in-law to help her out, as her husband had died several years earlier, she was having some serious health problems and lived in a large, older home with some major deferred maintenance issues. This was 6 months ago, and we are now regretting our decision. My husband's sister lives out of the country, and only visits a couple of times a year, although keeps in touch via phone and email.
My mom-in-law is unhappy because she feels the loss of control, my husband is unhappy because he does not want to be spending his life caregiving, and I am unhappy because I, too, do not want to be doing this. My own mom recently passed away at the age of 98, and I was the caregiver for her for many years. In addition, we have purchased our dream home in another state, where my children and grandchildren are located, and I would like to be there.
We have very little room, and almost no privacy living with my mother in law. We feel guilty and resentful, and sometimes it is difficult to keep smiling. My Mother In Law is also beginning to exhibit early signs of dementia (she is 88 years old). We have had a family conference with her primary doctor, and the plan is to have a mental evaluation done at her next visit.
The problem is what to do next. The ideal plan would be to sell this house and use the proceeds to move my Mother In Law to a nice assisted living facility, but she hates change and get very upset when even small things are moved in the house.
We need a long-range plan, one that we can gradually move toward, instead of feeling that every day is a miserable challenge. I think if we knew we were working toward something that would be best for all of us, we could stop feeling like selfish pigs and move forward.