WHY DOES CAREGIVING SPLIT UP FAMILIES!

by Greenacres

I wake up most mornings either crying, grieving or thinking of how my sister just cut me out of her life. How does one do that to your own sister who has ALWAYS had your back?

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by: Greenacres

Yes, there could very well be a large inheritance, and sister accuses mom that she loves me more. Total bull, mom loves all her kids. It's just I am the only one who gets her. My dad always called me when mom was going through a crisis because I am the only one that could calm her down.

Well, I took another chance and called sister yesterday. She never picks up, so I leave messages. Been doing this for three years now every few months, as I do not know why she cut me out of her life! Instead of calling me, she calls and threatens mom that she will give up POA, bank accounts and stop doing ANYTHING for her!

But then changed her mind, sucked up to mom and everything is still the same. We were taking turns with mom except when it's my turn I have her come to my home where she is surrounded by family and doesn't have to eat tv dinners every day.

She is living alone and sounds absolutely depressed and in a lot of pain. She had mostly good days here. I love my mom so much. When she would be hurting really bad, I would make her oatmeal and raisins. Sister's son does all the driving when she has to go to Dr., sometimes she goes to the grocery with them, but usually she just gives him a list.

She should have been in physical therapy over a year ago. I found a way for in home physical therapy and asked sister why isn't she taking care of it. I told her it was her responsibility to let us sisters know what is going on as caregiver.

Do you think she doesn't see herself as caregiver? Am I wrong? I would never have let my mom get this bad. While she was with me we were actually trying to do something with her back, but she didn't stay with it when she moved back into her own home all alone. Sister lives on the same street as mom.

I live an hour away. I worry mom could fall and also if something bad were to happen, my sister wouldn't even let me know.

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It never makes sense, but probably stems from inheritance
by: Anonymous

Seems to me it's usually over inheritance. Is there a large sum of money or property to be had when your parent(s) are gone?

Unfortunately money can make people act in ways we never expect. My sweet older brother did things to my parents when my dad's father died in late 1988 that still to this day amaze me.

And it was all explained away by my brother with "I took care of grandpa". Uh huh. Right. He "took care" of him from 250 miles away???? I fail to see that, but whatever. Suffice it to say my brother literally stole over $500 in cash and property from my dad - nearly all of the inheritance dad should have received.

And dad stood there and let it happen. I'm really still not sure why, other than he didn't want to estrange his only son.

Unfortunately that ended up happening and dad and my brother didn't speak for the last 20 years of dad's life.
It's all very sad what families will do to each other....

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I get it
by: Anonymous

Are you the care giver or is your sister? Not enough information to understand why she is treating you so poorly. I will assume you are the caregiver.

Is she possibly feeling bitter because of her perception that you are leaving her out of the loop? Has she accused you of taking advantage of your parents?

Is she afraid that you are going to ask her to do her fair share and she doesn’t want to? This really sucks. Siblings can be so cruel. Do try to include her in all aspects of care.

I tell everyone of my siblings about every Dr. appointment that dad needs a ride to etc. 2 of my siblings have been very good about taking turns. Others come up with every excuse not to participate.

I saved all the texts and phone conversations about this matter for proof. There will come a day when dad will no longer be here, the guilt will get them, but instead of blaming themselves for their lack of involvement, they will try to make me look like the bitch who excluded them from helping.

If they do try to blame me, I will throw it (my saved texts and conversations) right in their faces and rub their noses in it hard.

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