Why do Parents do this to Their Children?
I for one never thought I would end up having to care for my father as he's had health problems for years, and frankly we figured we would bury him first. My mother, yes. Once she got up in age and couldn't care for herself. She was always in good health until the last 3 years of her life. She died in 2015 from CKD, non alcoholic cirrhosis, and internal bleeding. Dad is of the old generation of being catered too.
Once I started to care for him, he was in better shape and 72. In just a little less than 2 year, he's gotten progressively worse and more demanding. For years he never listened to what the doctors said or even tried to get healthier. He's now paying for it.
Really, all of us are paying for his mistakes. He STILL will not listen to the doctors. I've tried casually modifying his diet as he has CHF and CKD.
One of the biggest things is to remove a lot of red meat from your diet or fried, fatty, or salty items. He refuses. He also has a bad back, bad knees, and bad hips. They recommended surgery years ago to fix some of that, but he was the mindset that doctors are worthless.
They then would've done something. Now, its harder to get them to do anything due to the heart problems. He literally sits watching TV all day waiting for someone to serve him. Deep down, I really do love him. I have become so resentful for all of this. I am not an only sibling.
I have a sister that lives 150 miles away. She does nothing. Even when I needed her to help clean out the trailer mom and dad lived in after moms death to sell, she didn't help. Dad didn't either. It was so cluttered. It was left up to me. My husband and I bought a bigger house to accommodate dad.
I too had to move our stuff there. Mostly by myself as my husband works a lot. This was going during the same time I was cleaning dads place out. I no longer have a relationship with my sister. The one with my dad is becoming unbearable.
Why is it that families that supposedly love each other to this to each other. It's ridiculous! Thankfully we never had kids. That would've put even more of a strain on it all. It's affected my marriage as we have no quiet or alone time. We just feel like we are hired help. Parents just assume their children will do it all for them, and take no care to prepare for old age. It's not that we don't want to. They make it unbearable and impossible at times
and are over demanding.
It's ironic too that my mother moved from another continent from her parents when she married dad while in the military, and she never cared for her parents. Dad lived near his, and he didn't care for his. His father died in his 50's. His mother was well into the upper 80's when she died. She hired people for many things, and he was horrible to her whenever she needed anything done.
Hypocritical at it's best.
The sad part, I'm trying to do the right thing. At this rate, he will out live me and frankly I hope if he lives that long....I do go first. Only then will I have peace. Years of neglect, now 13 doctors appointments scheduled in a little over 3 months. I'm sure that won't be the end of it either as it keeps piling on. I know it's bad, but sometimes I wish he had died first.
Mom had her own quirks and issues, but I think she may have been more appreciative and a little less demanding. She wanted to do things. She only quit doing things when she absolutely couldn't. It's hard watching someone not even try, but expects everyone else to do it all.
He won't even call for his appointments now that he is having cataract surgery in 6 weeks. Of course he has to have clearance from the VA provider due to his heart. I am now on the phone ALL day to get a physical, an EKG, a chest x-ray, and labs to coordinate within the surgeons specifications to get it done.
More stress as I'm now having to deal with that. The federal government isn't all that efficient. And they, the VA, are the ones that referred him to an outside provider to have the surgery done. I just don't know anymore.
In the meantime, my husband's parents are having issues too. His father has Parkinson's and is bed bound. His mother s probably the one in the best shape, but has issues of her own. My husband at least has 2 siblings, but as usual...he ends up doing more than his share. We are already spread thin.
They have fancy Long Term Care insurance, but found out it doesn't pay out quite what they thought. Well, they want in a fancy home and it won't cover that particular one. So they refuse to do anything, and live in a 3 story house. I think once a parent gets to a certain age, common sense flies out the door.
They don't even think about what they say or do to others with their action or inaction. Guess I need to get off of here and call the VA again. God help me. I can't take this much longer.