Why Do Most People find it So Hard to Tell Their Parents THIS Is How It Needs To Be.

Why do Most people find it so hard to tell their parents this is how it needs to be! Is it because your scared they won't leave you a penny? Is it because you think they can't take being spoken to like an Adult? Because you don't want to hurt their feelings? I've been an elder care giver for 25 years and I've most if not all there is to see of dysfunctional, crazy, ridiculous, bad relationships that have always been that way in their family dynamics.


When your parent or loved one is at a point that you are starting to question things like should they be driving? Then the answer is obvious and for EVERYONE'S sake and safety take ALL the keys away as they always have more then one set and do something to make the car dysfunctional so it cant be operated.

If they refuse to take your advice for their safety then refuse to provide help or things they want...DON'T REWARD THEM for bad behavior.

If they wont take their medications or shower or wear Depends if they need them DON'T REWARD THEM WITH ANYTHING TELL THEY DO!

You have to treat them like they are 5 years old because if they are acting lime it it is YOUR JOB to make decisions for them to keep them AND society safe.

If they are so mean and unappreciative towards you REFUSE to be their caregiver. Give them the info to hire one...if they can't afford it then they are on their own until they treat you with respect!

Most people...the ones that have never had to care give for an elderly person think that just because they are old means their cute and sweet...Farthest thing from the truth...it took them all those years to become the mean nasty jerks most of them are towards their family and caregivers.

They DON'T deserve respect when they are being this way. NOONE DOES!

When you decide to stand up foe yourself and put their SAFETY AND THE SAFETY OF OTHERS FIRST before their feelings that they don't bother caring about anyone else's feelings THEN you are doing the RIGHT thing by making decisions in their best interest...its called TOUGH LOVE cause they NEED IT if they aren't taking care of themselves or allowing others to and DRAINING YOU EMOTIONALLY MENTALLY AND FINANCIALLY like I read OVER AND OVER on here.

If dad was always in charge but now cant wipe his own behind guess what he NEEDS you to step up and make the hard decisions now.

If mom was always a spoiled rich housewife and acts like the world is all beneath her and cant walk...guess what you NEED to tell her in her in the ONLY way she'll understand that your not going to take her crap anymore and this is what needs to happen for her safety and health.

I don't know why that's so hard for everybody. THEIR OLD and CANT function NORMALLY ANYMORE so you need to be making ALL the decisions.

If they won't let you have control then tell them their on their own til they will let you do what needs to be done...and let them know at that point that once they fall or crash the car or their environment of filth effects their body to where they have to be in 24 hour nursing home care that that will be THEIR FAULT because you want to help prevent that from happening...tell them if that happens there will be nothing you can do and they will loose access to everything except what they can fit on a small bookshelf next to their bed in a nursing home. Let them think in that.

And if you are scared that they will get so mad at you that they wont leave you anything then that is your problem if your choosing $$$ over your parents AND SOCIETIES SAFETY!!

I don't feel sorry for anyone who cowards at their parents because they are scared of being left out of the will.

If your scared they'll hate you well they will be angry for some time...maybe for the rest of their lives but at least they'll be SAFE.

So get some courage built up and get in there and do what needs to be done...cause the longer you let MENTALLY and PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED persons put themselves and society in daily danger the more PROBLEMS you'll end up with then if you would have just done the right thing in the first place.

With the advancement of medical help people are living longer...DOESN'T mean they are living better!

Their just alive and breathing for years on end and still having to deal with the decline in health and physical ability...so just because someones parent has made it to 90 doesn't mean they earned ANY RIGHT to continue driving or cooking if they live in a place connected to other peoples homes...I've witnessed more times then i want to remember old people catching themselves and their homes on fire.

Do the RIGHT thing and TAKE CONTROL...most elderly people are NOT able to take care of themselves safely that's why they are depending on their children so much and caregivers...so once that happens they should loose their right to make serious decisions for themselves.

These are my personal opinions from 25 years experience with elderly and their families in caregiving. Its not a pretty picture and noone wants to go through it but we all will and hope you take some of this advice to make YOUR LIFE LESS STRESSFUL AND TO KEEP YOUR PARENT OR SPOUSE SAFE AND SOCIETY SAFE.

Because I feel 100% of people over 85 should NOT be driving! They can BARELY get into their 5 ton steel weapons and go barrelling down the road and they don't give a crap who they kill or if they die cause their OLD and feel like they don't have much longer anyway...I hear it from the elderly ALL the time. Most are Selfish jerky SPOILED BRATS!

Comments for Why Do Most People find it So Hard to Tell Their Parents THIS Is How It Needs To Be.

Average Rating starstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
reality sucks
by: Leasa

As someone who also worked in the nursing home system, I think we have to realize the people who end up in nursing homes were or are either very demented or so nasty their family members could not care for them and keep their sanity or have a life of their own.

...or....they had/have very spoiled entitled children who couldn't wait to get their hands on mom and dad's assets. Those are the ones that broke my heart.

Also, as for a 92 year old person driving? No way! Their reflexes and cognitive thinking at 92 is impaired to the point they absolutely should not be driving. Making one's bed and dressing oneself does not mean you should be driving. A three year old child can make their bed and dress themselves, but clearing should not be driving.

Reality does suck. But, for the sake of everything people have got to learn how to talk to parents that they perhaps feared as children.... Leasa

Rating
star
take it easy
by: Anonymous

Wow, that was one harsh commentary. Give the elderly a break here and let them be treated with the respect we all deserve. You seem to forget you are dealing with people who have lost a lot of brain cells and can't understand what they are being told.

Seriously, would you tell a 2 year old to wipe themselves? Probably not, because they are not capable of understanding. I'm going to assume you were having a bad day.

We don't want to be harsh with our parents but I understand we need to be firm and step up and make decisions if needed. You have a "do as I say or else" attitude. That doesn't always work.

And BTW, my 92 year old mother lives with me and still drives and has had no accidents. She cooks, does her laundry, makes her bed, dresses herself and reads the daily newspaper. Am I supposed to rip her car keys out of her hand because she's 92?

In your world I guess you want to put everyone over 85 on a raft and let them float away. I hope someone will speak kindly to you when you're 85+.
Have a better day today.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Communication with Elderly Parents.


Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2017 | All Rights Reserved


Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. 70 year old caregiver left nothing in will

    Aug 15, 17 09:21 AM

    As a professional nurse,and new daughter-in-law at age 55, I thought inviting my new husband's mother to live with us would be a blessing. He was a widower

    Read More

  2. So Many Same Story?

    Aug 14, 17 09:51 AM

    For the past year or so my mom who is 83 has been showing the early stages of dementia, forgetting simple dates names etc,,, it has slowly progressed but

    Read More

  3. Stressed Out

    Aug 14, 17 09:42 AM

    I receive several phone calls a day from my mother complaining about my dad, and the fact she feels I do not do enough for her. I am exhausted, depressed.

    Read More