Why are Family Members so Cruel with Words of Hatred

by KK

In July after many falls my mother was admitted to hospital who then decided she could no longer return to her bungalow and was put into residential home where she continued to fall more and now been transferred to nursing home/ dementia care.

I'm the youngest of four....my brothers are in late 60's I'm early 40's and I'm the black sheep of the family yet I cared for mum over 20 years.

They say I only wanted mums money but my mum asked me to be her carer in return she would help me with my bills and my son as I was a single parent....we went everywhere together, talked about everything and were very close.

I moved away to a new area for a new relationship, my mum said I deserted her but I still visited three times a week and stayed most weekends. I constantly rang nursing home up every night when mum first moved there....my brothers wife said I'm immature and because of my constant calls I should let my mum settle in her new home and even told me its not necessary for me to keep inquiring about mum.

She said I should stop pretending to love my mum because if I had truly loved mum I would never have moved to different city....o by the way this daughter in law never visited my mum in 15 years and had no contact at all with me for same time but felt the need to give her speech.

O and my brother only visited 1 time a week for two hours no phone calls nothing in between visits

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by: Anonymous

Don't let others define your relationship with your mother, not your sister-in-law and not even your mother. You know what it was and what you did for her and that's all that matters.

Too many siblings 'keep score' and think it all means something. Love isn't about keeping score. You had every right to build a new life for yourself and your child and your mom was being spiteful, jealous and selfish. Don't get drawn in.

Set some boundaries or you are going to damage the new relationship you have going. Calling or visiting once a week is plenty if you know that mom is being well cared for. You've done your time and your share. Let what others say roll off your back because it does not matter what they think.

It's probably their own guilt making them behave this way and their own lack of support in the past is what is where the insults to you are coming from. If they can in their own mind make you look like an uncaring son, somehow it makes them in their own eyes look better. I repeat: don't get drawn into the 'game'.

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