Why Am I Writing This?

My husband and I are both pushing 60. His parents are in the their late 80s. His mom has Alzheimer's and his dad is her primary caregiver (not a great situation), but with full cooperation of his 3 sisters we all deal with their problems together on a daily basis.


My mother and sisters are another story. My mom is 90, and was never a great mother or housekeeper. My dad died over 13 years ago and she lives alone in a house that is a mess and full of belongings. Even though she has trouble getting around, she somehow manages to pull out stuff that has been put away. She can make messes, but rarely attempts to clean them up (something she has done all her life).

I am her primary caregiver even though she has 5 daughters, all local, 3 of which cannot be bothered with helping. The 3 do-nothing-sisters call my Mom occasionally, or when they need money or something, but rarely visit, not even on holidays. When my mom or I tried in the past to solicit their help, they don't answer their phones or emails and have actually stopped communicating with me.

I cannot understand how they can live with themselves and the indifference they show to her condition. My sister who does help sometimes, works full time and just informed me she and her husband are taking another vacation for like 8 days, something they do probably at least 4 times a year.

Having given up my career years ago to become a stay at home mom (children now grown), I just sort of fell into the role of taking Ma to the doctor, doing her grocery shopping and bills. She does not drive anymore and has a life alert. I talk to her daily and stop by her house about every other day or when needed.

Mom has always been a manipulative person. She is of sound mind but has back problems. Lately, she has been starting with her rant that she "cannot do this anymore" and talks of moving to assisted living (something she has said every year for probably the past 10 years). Although she always announces "she would never want to live with her children" she complains constantly about her living situation and has never made a concrete move to change that.

I feel extremely guilty that I cannot offer her a place to live in my home. I am very neat and clean and she is just the opposite which would drive me crazy. She owns her home and has some savings which will be divided equally between her 5 children when she passes. Lately, I can see where she is beginning to fail. I believe her quality of life is crap. I wish she would go to assisted living, although that seems easier said then done.

She has a house crammed full of stuff that has to be gone through and sold or donated. I don't even know why I am writing, but I have been severely depressed and resentful over this whole situation. I do not know where to turn next or how to help her. I feel like all this will never end.

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