When Push Comes to Shove You're on Your Own!!

by June
(Enfield, Middlesex.)

I certainly am cheesed off with being the only carer and no one in the world can help me or want to.


My husband has had Parkinson's disease since he retired at 69 years and later he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and he is 76 yrs old and deteriorating.

Mother is 95 years old with recently diagnosed with advanced breast cancer and is in no pain and is housebound except when I take her shopping she leans on me until we get to the supermarket and she gets around OK with a shopping trolley.

Mother refuses any outside help or aids and refuses to go to a day centre and puts on crying if she moans about loneliness and I say she had no need and should go to clubs etc.

I am the eldest of 4 and one sister emigrated to Australia without telling her just last month, my brother moved 2 hours away and had her stay for first time this year from a Sunday afternoon and bought her home Wednesday.

My youngest sister spends a month at a time at their villa in Spain and my only brother does the same as he also has a villa in Spain. The last person to be on his own at 92 is mothers youngest brother and when their other brother who he'd always lived with died 2 years ago he was devastated and leaned on me for everything including arranging his brothers funeral, changing all bills to be paid by D/D.

Also, he wanted building works done on his house and I was on call from 7am in mornings. I have had so many problems to sort out for him I couldn't even begin to list them. I can't leave him to be completely alone it would be cruel.

My siblings say that is the life he chose let him get on with it?? He goes to hospital and has cancelled his transport to the hospital, he also cancelled the district nurse he had daily.

My siblings say if you are going to moan about it, don't do it. Well, that's told me hasn't it?

I had a breakdown last year and still on anti depressants. Thank you for reading my endless boring story but it's all unfortunately all so true. Js.

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Caregiver in need of help!
by: Anonymous

Unless caregivers receive relief-care themselves, they cannot do long term care with the love and patience that is so desperately needed.

Taking care of yourself first, should be of your utmost priority. Arrange for regular relief periods that you can look forward to even if it is only for a 2-3 hr. block of time to have coffee with a friend.

If this help is not affordable even with social security benefits of the patients, then looking into local churches, reliable H.S. or college students. med. students or friends will be your best availability. The more you can find, the better off I believe you will be.

It is not reasonable at all for anyone, including the caregiver, to expect such an unreasonable amt. of care be given with the sensitivity needed for such fragile people.

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Can relate to that
by: Anonymous

I too almost had a heart attack from my mothers constant pettiness. She is so difficult with everything!

Oh you got me an 8 oz jar of mushrooms when I wanted the 10 oz jar. She also called me names and swears she never called me a fat ass!

She did and my husband had to help me when I came home crying. It finally got so bad that I couldn't take it anymore and I turned over care to my brother.

I was tired all the time, come to find out that I am a Gulf War Veteran and I have all of the Gulf War illness. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and am tired all the time.

So I can relate to everyone on her. I have had a difficult time with my mother it is a love hate relationship.

Oh and before that my mother traveled as my dependent in the military, for more than 10 out of 20 years. She was fun at that time. We did a lot together however over the years it became a love hate relationship.

My mother was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis which has a 5-8 years before you pass away. My mother was diagnosed at 85 and she is not 90 in February. She still insists on living alone and still cooks her own meals. She can no long clean the house, we have someone come in.

So I can totally understand everything your going through.

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