When Do You ask for Professional Help

by Karen
(Florida )

I've been my dad's primary caregiver for 2 years since my mom passed away suddenly. My sister lives in NY and calls him but I am the one doing all the heavy lifting so to speak. I cook, clean, shop, drive, walk the dogs, pay the bills and everything in between. I can't work because he and the house take up all of my time so while he is writing checks to every charity asking for help I'm moving closer to poverty using up all my savings paying my own bills.

He asked me a year ago to move in with him and I gave up my life, an apartment I loved, my privacy and freedom. I have no friends down here in FL - I was living in NY - and I'm afraid to leave him alone for more than an hour or two.

His memory is off and on - sometimes I think he has no idea what is going on and at other times I think he knows exactly what is going on.

Of course everyone says he is not aware when he says nasty or mean things to me - and I really hope that is true - but a tiny part of me thinks he knows what he is saying and doing - and of course it hurts me and I can't confront him - he's 90 - lost my mom after 67 years together - he has no friends or family left - except for my sister and myself.

So my question is when do you ask for help? I have mentioned assisted living a few times in conversation and he ignores it - so there you go- I am trying to schedule a brain MRI to get an idea of what I am actually dealing with but I'm waiting on his primary care doctor who doesn't have a sense of urgency - and my NY is starting to surface in frustration.

Who do I call? When do I call?

I have zero help and no idea what to do. everyone tells me to hide his checkbooks and take his credit cards - I can't do that - I just can't.

It's his money but I'm worried he will give it all away and not be able to afford a place to live if he lives another several years - not to mention my predicament if he lives for several more years. What do I do??????????