What Will The New Year Bring?
Hope we all survived the holidays. As the new year approaches, some of us wonder, will our parent make it another year or will this be the one they say goodbye.
This morning, as mom sleeps, I see the dog sitting dutifully at her bedroom door, looking in at her, ears perked, something she doesn’t normally do. But every time she does it, I think am I ready to go in and check to see if mom is breathing? Am I ready to have my life flip at this very moment?
Because once I check, it’s either a regular day or it’s going to start an unstoppable cascade of events that I have no control over.
So I walk away from the door without checking. Not just yet. I’ve had some coffee but no breakfast. Let me have some breakfast first. Otherwise I won’t be able to eat at all, I’ll be so anxious.
This is how practical the day-to-day gets. And it’s just like the dying to wait until after a major event like Christmas to take their leave. My dad left the day after my parents 60th wedding anniversary. He was a very loving and considerate person on this earth. It’s just like my mom to do the same.
I’m ready for mom to go but I’m not. I have vague plans, a plan, no specifics, things will change, I know that for sure. But please not today.
Today I want to take my three mile walk as usual.
I need to work on a project I have going on for my business. I have company coming by tonight for an after-Christmas visit. I want to savor the love of the holiday now that it’s over. I want just an ordinary, quiet day.
So I’m going to have breakfast. And after breakfast, I’ll check.