What to do, When you Don't Know What to Do!

by Depressed
(Sacramento, CA)

I have been caring for my 80yr old mother for 2yrs now. I have a sister who has and does not help at all and a brother in prison. there has been no family support. I can't work and quit school to care for mom. My husband and close friend has been my ONLY SOURCE OF SUPPORT.

The doctors have given me very little hope for mom living much longer and this has caused me more stress and pain. They are asking me to make a decision that I can't make. It is too painful.

I just want to have her back like she once was, healthy and strong. I am so mentally, physically ans emotionally tired and drained. I want to just scream until I have no more voice. I just sometimes go in her room and watch her sleep, I sit and cry and make myself remember the features of her face and hold her hands. I know when she moans in pain that she is still with me and I fear the day when I can't hear that moan again.

I'M hurting so bad and I LOVE HER SO MUCH. I wish I could do more to take away her pain.

Comments for What to do, When you Don't Know What to Do!

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Depressed in Sacramento
by: Anonymous

Pray, that your mom is relieved of pain, my mom was in a lot of pain and I did not want to lose her but, I would pray that God would take her, so she no longer felt the pain....took me ages to get over losing her nearly 2 years ago. You will be fine when she goes to God.....It is selfish for us to want them to stay if they are in pain....
Just Pray.....it does help...
God Bless

Added Conment
by: Walking the Walk with You

I commented earlier but forgot to post letting me hear from you.

Trust your heart, not your "head"...and pray:

God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Walking the Walk with You

One Day at a Time
by: Walking the Walk with You

Dearest friend, Depressed...

I feel your pain, as do many others who care for their parents, and offer you my prayers of support.

What helps me to overcome some of these "dark days" (feeling exhausted, no help from others, wondering if I'm doing the right thing, etc.)is the Serenity Prayer with trust and acceptance.

As I watch my mother of 84 years of life dwindle down to a life of pain, tiredness, and confusion, I try to remember that she is still a vital human being ( a servant still in God's eyes) giving me something...love in a different way.

I see a transformation of my mother being prepared for something greater...a saint in the making so to speak...it's her spirit that helps me to overcome the "dark days" and I'm blessed with her presence...it's all worth it in the end...we just have to wait it out and experience the benefit of being the one to walk the journey of dying with someone...it's a grace!

Give yourself due credit and love yourself for being loved by the woman who gave you life...she is being reborn into something greater...learn from it and accept every second of life she has to become your treasure when she is gone.

"Walking the walk with you"

Brave lady!
by: Anonymous

I cannot even begin to imagine how you are coping with this situation! I guess that you would like more support from your sister, but it doesn't sound like it's going to happen, that's so sad but sometimes it's just how it is....

You say you get support from your husband and friend and I'm pleased that you are not alone,the people that support us during difficult times are the people who make our lives brighter, those who abandon us are just not up to dealing with the difficult stuff and we should just try to accept that they are not up to the task.

I wonder why you are looking at your mum and trying to remember her face? I don't think you will ever forget her face! And one day, you will remember her face as it was in happier times and you will remember the things she said before she was in pain.

Please don't just remember this time, be honest with yourself about the memories you already have, the good and the bad! and remember to care for yourself too, it's what she wants! My heart goes out to you.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Caregiver Stress.

Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2019 | All Rights Reserved

Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. Ugh!!

    Dec 28, 20 12:21 PM

    So I lost my mom 18 months ago. After her passing I would come to my parents house to clean and cook a couple of times a week for my dad. He still gets

    Read More

  2. 16yrs of Elderly care with NO HELP

    Dec 28, 20 12:18 PM

    I came back home in 2004 to help my dad as he had cancer, he eventually passed away few years later. Well here I am am in 2020 still at home taking care

    Read More

  3. I'm fed up

    Jul 22, 20 01:11 PM

    Hi I'm 20 years old and i live with my mother and sister. My sister is 18 and she works at our local grocery store and is usually doing her own thing.

    Read More