What is Good in Theory does not always Translate into Reality

by ela17
(ny ny)

These are the times that try our souls to the limit? I have been the primary caregiver for my parents for 20 years, which fell on me naturally because we share a house?


I did it willingly and hosted all holidays at my house because my father is on home oxygen. Life was stressful but manageable and my teenage sons helped a great deal. The worst was that for the past 4-5 yrs we could no longer take a vacation - my sister was not willing to stay at my house for a week because she had a 7 yr old, now 11.

Then last year my mother who was the primary caregiver for my dad (93) was diagnosed with lung cancer. She did chemo and the side effects were bad. There were weekly doctor appointments and sometimes more than that. On chemo day, my sister sat with my dad. However, my mom did not make it and since then my family has 24/7 responsibility for my dad - assisted living is not a question because you have to be more independent than what he is.

My sister sits with my dad once a week for 3 hrs so i can go to work (I usually work from home).I basically do everything else. It takes a village and my whole family is involved. It would be so nice to be able to have one day each weekend to go out but we are met with no-can-do....relationships between my family are my sister's will never be the same. You can see what people are made of and how they just don't get it....not malicious behavior, but denial of responsibility.

I just pray that God gives me strength and protects my health so I can see this through and then go on to heal so I can enjoy my family and my sons.I hurt because through all of these years my family has been there for my sister and her family; no matter what, we jumped into action whenever they needed anything....you can bet that will no longer be the case.

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Me too
by: Anonymous

I read your comments and think I have similar feelings about my family. I am primary caregiver for my mom who is 97. My brother lives 15 minutes away and I live 60. Yet he seldom visits her and invites her to his home once a year at most.

Everything else falls on me and that has included managing 4 broken bones through the 20 years she has been a widow. I am seeing lately that my two children are very compassionate young adults with overall much better emotional intelligence than my nieces and nephews. So, hang in there - what goes around comes around!

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