What if your Parent Cannot Discuss Things Anymore?

by Crazy Issues
(Hudson, Ma)

Hey my mother never was one for a real two way talk and she sure is not up to it now. She is a bundle of anxiety, out of control emotions, totally self absorbed with how much attention is she getting from people, (and it's never enough or good enough), and so on.

Any time I set a boundary, she explodes, shouts, and works her talents in emotional blackmail. Since she has been this way most of her life, it's hard to tell if it is age related. She's the one who is 92.

She is utterly terrified of death, strokes, and "being a burden", although she has no trouble with being demanding and not noticing her own behavior which drives people away.

I tried suggesting that she can have a counselor who can help her with end of life issues, or talk to a professional who can help ease her fears and so on.

She was open to it one day and now it is off the radar screen of interest and broaching the subject leads to the emotional outburst scene. Okay, so I'll get counseling! But still...
how do I deal with her?

I can't talk to her, suggest anything, or even share a conversation anymore and she is oh so needy! But it's all about her emotions. It's like she is emotionally sick. Should I sneak in a call to her doctor?
But if he asks her, she'll say she is fine.

Anyone go through this?

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Listening in the UK
by: Wendy

Hi I'm Wendy and I live in the UK and my answer is yes.

My mother has always been very negative and very controlling, but I have come to the conclusion that once you yet past a certain age then your brain must revert to being like a teenager again and rather than trying to reason with my mother I have just come to accept that that's the way it is.

Not a lot of help I know but I understand. The main issue for me has been the anxiety of watching my strong controlling mother getting more helpless and afraid, and her putting her emotions onto me. Well I can't fix them, but at least we care and that is worthy of the greatest praise. So I say thank you to you even if our mothers can't.

Love Wendy x

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