We are Not Alone!

by Sharon

After reading every entry on this forum I can identify and agree with everyone.

*Yes, our parents are living too long. Doctors are keeping sick people alive with pills.

*I'm pretty sure I won't be crying at my mother's funeral. It will be all I can do not to dance!

*Help from siblings? Non-existent.

*Giving up our lives? Definitely.

*Were our parents taking care of their parents at our age? Nope...they were dead.

*Am I bitter? You bet I am.

My 92 year old mother has been with me going on 11 years. And the worst part? She's a very healthy woman and could very easily be living on her own but nooooo. She asked to come and live with me.

She has some sort of unnatural curiosity over what I do every day. I'm quite sure she thought I was having parties all the time without her. Boy did I prove her wrong.

Now that I have gotten myself stuck with her out of guilt, she has made my life miserable with her questions, questions, questions.....where are you going, when will you be home, who you going out with, who called you, what was the mail you got today, did you need another pair of shoes, what took you so long.....on and on and on to the point I fantasize about killing her!

I can't stand it anymore. I'm 61 years old and I wish she would just die already. I have 3 brothers who might as well not even exist. So no help there.

Anybody got a dad they want to fix up? I'd like to marry her off! I'm being funny here because if I don't laugh once in awhile I feel as though I will go off the deep end.

Thank God for my non live-in boyfriend, he is my rock and listens when I need to vent, which is often. BTW, his mother is living too...91.

Us baby-boomers can't be rid of our parents....I'm convinced I'll die before her.If only she wasn't so miserable all the time she wouldn't be so bad. But man, has she got an edge. She's one of those people who is never happy.

You know, if I do something, I should have don't it different, and if I did it different, I should have done it the other way...I'm sure you know the type. Complains about EVERYTHING. There are days I don't even want to come home from work.
Someday I'll be free......Someday....
Thanks for listening...love to all!

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Caregiver or prisoner?
by: Anonymous

Sharon your life sounds an awful lot like mine & I totally understand your desperation. I feel like I'm serving a prison sentence for a crime I didn't commit. Though if things keep going the way they are, I might find myself inside for a crime I DID commit.... Might be worth it. Haha.

There's a lot of discussion in the media about elder abuse by children but bugger all about the abuse heaped on adult offspring by the elder. My 85 year old mother, who has lived with my husband and I for over 5 years, is an expert in emotional blackmail.

She always was but now, coupled with her increasing incapacity & frailty, it's reached the level of emotional torture. Can't begin to say just how bad things are. She has all my adult siblings terrified, (I am one of 5) which is ridiculous I know.

It's destroying the family - they all run a mile rather than take her on so it's just me & my beloved long-suffering husband dealing with the day to day. She fools outsiders into thinking she's a charming, little old "character" which, if I complain or try to seek help, leaves me looking like the villain.

I don't know if she is developing dementia because she has always been volatile, with an evil temper one day & funny and loving the next. I've become numb and apathetic - just like a long term inmate I imagine.

This Is Terrible
by: Anonymous

I'm going to give you the advice I wish I could follow--save yourself!

Your mother has forgotten whose home she is in and who is in charge. She's treating you (as if you didn't already know) like a twelve-year-old. For a few years of my life and before she began her decline, I lived in the same apartment complex as my mother.

I gave her a key at the beginning because I lived alone and well, she was my mother. She would let herself in, "borrow" things, look in my mailbox--they didn't lock--and ask what that letter from the bank was, or that bill, etc.

I was in my 30s then and so conditioned to her interference, even though I hated it I didn't say anything to avoid an argument. There was no way I could approach getting the key back.

She lives 8 miles from me now and I'm almost 65. It's taken a few years but I've finally learned to put my foot down on her most egregious behavior. And at that, things are difficult enough.

If you can't get her out of your house, at least try to regain control of it. Believe me, I know how you feel.

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