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We are All Living too Long

This will probably upset a lot of people but I need to get it out. People are just living too long. Our society spends the majority of health funds on the elderly. They are constantly at the doctors looking for a "cure" for simple old age.

Of course, medicare will pay for expensive procedures and operations that younger people are unable to obtain because medicare is "good insurance." Is it just me or are the depression era elders more entitled than the rest of us?? I cannot tell you the horrendous drivers that I see on the road and they are all in their eighties. They also have "good insurance" so when a car is crashed it is usually just replaced with another big car.

I struggle financially all the time. I was not in a generation that could buy a brand new house and a new car every year. I realize that generation suffered as children but do we have to suffer now. When I read of all the adult children taking care of their parents - who really are not that nice to them - it infuriates me.

That generation did not have to take care of their parents as they "passed on" when it was time and the medical field was not keeping them alive to suck out all the medicare benefits.

There will be no social security for workers today yet so much of my paycheck goes to keeping the elderly secure - even though they are much better off than myself. I love my parents but am not willing to give up my life for them.

Today, people who are sick can still live for another 15 years provided someone else gives up their independence and life to help them. Is that fair???




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We are All Living too Long

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We are Living Too Long
by: Anonymous

I posted this originally over 5 months ago. I was surprised at the amount of negative comments about myself that I received with the first couple of postings. Just wanted to thank the people who have taken the time to show that they understand where I am coming from with regard to the elderly.

I am now staying with my Mother who is 89. She believes that I am doing this because I have no where else to go.(Hardly the case.)I am here because she is a danger to herself and those around her because of her memory. I live daily with the frustrations of taking care of her.

I love my Mother very much but it is the attitude of that generation that I am finding so appalling. I really do not want to hear about "the house that you built from stone" while you pillaged our money from our paychecks. Sorry but that is how I feel. How did your parents survive without Social Security? They managed and did not feel like America owed them because of their service in WW 2.

How about the Viet Nam Veterans and the boys returning from the middle east. I would rather my dollars go to people who have some life to live instead of keeping alive the elderly. When I think that our young veterans get less than proper care but if you are in your 80s you can get all the medical care you want (not necessarily need) it infuriates me.

Since when did longevity become more important than quality??

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Ok By Me
by: Anonymous

I am in my fifties and my elderly parents are always having surgeries and draining everyone around them. I am willing to be euthanized at the age society decides a human has lived long enough.

A few more years is all I want. Then I am ready to go. Who needs the pain, suffering, humiliation not to mention the sacrifices of others to keep this dying flesh going longer? Yuck.

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The Plight of the Baby Boomers
by: Don

I found the comment section interesting as I'm 89 with 4 children and 9 grand children. I have a 62 year old child living with us. We send money to 3 baby boomers who made good money during the good pay years and they lived way beyond their means and now find themselves paying for their high living standards through the use of easy credit.

My wife and I built our house of stone and are self sufficient financially. We paid into Medicare for over 70 years and now receive 80% of our medical bills paid, but not our legal drugs.

We also are stuck with helping our grandchildren with college expenses.

We still live a comfortable and modest life.Those suffering a few years in life must look at the cost and psychological pain your parents have suffered in raising you.

I do believe that the elderly should live through the part of life of in a vegetative life style, but teach your children how to build their houses out of stone and make some preparations for old age so they don't have to take care of you.

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LOL!
by: Anonymous

Some folks came to a site specifically called "boomers-with-elderly-parents.com" and are somehow aghast at posts which stem from the frustrations people feel in the course of living with and taking care of their parents. What did you expect? People like this are either quite dumb or master trolls.

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Elderly Persective?
by: Anonymous

Does anyone know of a website that offers the elderly perspective? Not all of them are dotting with dementia. Some may be able to work a computer. Would be interesting to hear from the other side. Perhaps it could be the beginning of communication and understanding.

As caretakers, we feel unheard and misunderstood. No one is listening to us and no one cares. As the caretaker, it's my problem. It's our elderly parents who listen to us the least. I know when I try to tell my side of the story to my mom, she goes into the extreme invalid mode, and says "I don't want to bother you anymore" (mom! I'm at your beck and call everyday) "I want to always remain independent" (mom! you told me you needed me because you could no longer live alone). Once even putting her hands over her ears and shaking her head in misery like I was torturing her by even talking.

She has her needs and they all come first and if my needs require me to have a partner in my life and my own home, she just doesn't want to hear. Period. End of discussion.

So I wonder, what exactly is she going through that makes it impossible for her to grant me a life? or to even understand that I need something of my own. Is she that scared and lonely? Or does she require total control to feel safe?

I'm willing to discuss these things with her, but she is either unwilling or unable to do it.
Hence, this forum, where we write and write and life goes on....sigh.

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Long-Term Solution Needed
by: Richard

I agree in many respects. Middle age should be a time to savor and enjoy, but the huge burden of caring for frail elderly parents is wrecking what could be a lovely period of freedom for their children.

One possible solution would be to require, by law, all persons on reaching the age of 80 to move into state-funded care institutions.

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I Agree
by: Dorene

My boyfriend let his mother with Alzheimer's move in with us to take care of her and I am totally pissed. It's been 3 years of hell. Our relationship is really not a relationship anymore. I am stressed and miserable in my own home.

She is 80, let some one else take care of her, it is ruining my life. I am 47 and don't want to spend any more time wasting with this situation. I am ready to Bounce!

I am not close to her or even like her much. I think its torture to have to live like this, young couples should not have to sacrifice their happiness and life to take care of their really OLD parents! Why are we obligated to do this?

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Let's Get Rid of Guilt!
by: Anonymous

You are right...my dad is suffering, because the medical doctor is getting paid very well. The heck with that...! Children without insurance get less services than my dad who is trying to die...by the way, families cause a lot of the suffering for the their aging parents..lets get rid of guilt!

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I'm with YOU sister/brother!
by: Anonymous

The health care industry's agenda is to keep people alive (longer than they really need to be) to make money off them. Plain and simple. It all comes down to money.

I agree with most of what you wrote in your post. You're NOT the only one out there who has these concerns.

Dr. Kevorkian (god rest his soul) was WAY ahead of his time and with any luck, the rest of society will catch up to his forward thinking right quick.

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We are Still Living too Long
by: Anonymous

OK so lets give drivers licenses to 5 year old's because your average 90 year old acts exactly as a toddler.

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What Goes Around-------
by: Grandma Jones

Blah - blah - blah. So elderly drivers cause wrecks--what's your point? So do drivers of all ages.

Don't know what your belief system is - spiritual, religious, vodoo, wican, etc. But KARMA or whatever you want to call it can be rough.

Next time I'm driving down the middle of a country road in my big old lady Buick, nod off to sleep, careen through a fence and end up in a jackass pasture, I'll know your Karma has come!


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We are Still Living too Long
by: Anonymous

Wow - guess I really did hit a nerve with my comments about people living too long. There is a possibility that all the people who died at the Farmers Market a few years ago might agree with me about elderly drivers.

Just because you fought the Nazis does not mean you can take my life with your vehicle because in your mind you are still "a very good driver." I am not immature or bitter about elderly people. I work with them all the time. However there is a reason that animals are "put out to pasture."

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Judy, Judy, Judy!
by: Baby Boomer

Regarding Judy's comment about the negative responses coming from those who expect their children to care for them: I am one of the previous bloggers, and I have no children!

Through careful financial planning, I will be able to pay for the majority of my elderly care. Will still apply for Medicare as I have earned that right by working all my life. As far as Judy's characterization of anyone stating they would die for a loved one (regardless of age!) as merely false bravado--there actually are people in this world who put others before themselves, and then there are Judy and others with their opinions.

The blog absolutely struck a nerve with me as it is unsettling to hear adult children generalize their negative parental experiences to the entire geriatric community and to those who feel caring for their parents is a blessing rather than a burden. Just another perspective.

Sorry you guys lack the experience of loving parents and/or a compassionate heart.

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It Seems Like You've Struck a Nerve
by: Judy

The response to your blog has been extremely negative. I just want you to know that I can empathize with what you are saying.

My mother-in-law actually lives with my husband and me. It's no picnic. Those who say that the elderly is "owed" this care are most likely the type who intend to use this emotional blackmail on their own unfortunate children.

I for one did not have a child in order to have my own personal slave in my later years. My child has been informed that when I am no longer able to care for myself, she is not permitted to feel any guilt in anything that happens with me. In case anyone thinks that I am young and I'll change my mind when it's "my turn", I'm 49.

As for one of the critics of the author of this blog, the aging baby boomer who said she'd give her life for her mother, please. Those are just empty words full of bravado.

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Feedback for Mr. or Ms. "Entitled"
by: Incredulous

WOW -don't even know where to start--how about with the driving comments. It is true that reflexes and so forth decrease as we age. However, how many "younger" adults speed, tailgate, lane switch, call and text on cells, apply makeup--the list goes on and on.

You make it sound like anyone over a certain age of YOUR determination should be "let out to pasture" and stripped of all human rights the most precious being their right to be alive and breath the same air as you. And I can't even stay angry at your bitterness because you are obviously a depressed, repressed, angry, immature, and self-absorbed individual to be pitied.

Your disrespectful comments would be extremely hurtful to those geriatric family members who were loving givers and providers all their lives and now find themselves in the unenviable and fearful position of being what they consider to be a "burden" to their families.

We are all going to need help one day, and age may not always be the precipitating factor. My wish for you is that compassion and empathy will grow in your heart and soul as you mature. May you live to be 100 and have the full support of people that love you (if there are any left by then!)

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Resentment
by: Anonymous

You sound resentful. Are you actually caring for parents right now or just complaining about the threat of it (you weren't clear). My thoughts are, instead of being resentful, perhaps you should think about all of the things that your parents sacrificed to take care of YOU.

Perhaps think about the money they poured into your hobbies, education, clothing, dental care, and other things that might not be "necessities" (my sister never had braces and has a happy, fulfilling life even if her teeth are crooked, so no, $3000 worth of braces isn't a "necessity". Did you have vacations? How about birthday parties? Bicycles? Pool memberships?

Your parents undoubtedly spent a small fortune raising you, in order to give you a decent start in life, and yet you are complaining about them. That is so sad. I had none of the material advantages that most children have yet I am very grateful to my parents for their love, their care, for doing the best they could for us.

My mother is 90. Yes, she needs my help to survive, and she talks all of the time about the fact that she might be dead if I wasn't helping her and taking her to doctor appointments and tests. But that is the right thing to do. You sound like someone in their 20's or 30's because normally people in their 50's do not resent their parents being on Medicare like you do.

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My Parents are Taking Care of my Handicapped Sister
by: Anonymous

My parents are 90 and 88. Both are WWII veterans and are financially independent because they worked hard and saved their money. And they are the primary caregivers, along with me, for my totally handicapped, quadriplegic, brain injured sister (59).

Although their health is failing, they do their best to be totally independent in every way, as much as they can. I help them and my sister, without much help from my three other siblings.

If my mom and dad and others like them are tapping into the health care system, you can thank them for fighting Hitler and his Nazis, okay?

I understand your concerns, because everything's expensive, but if the wealthiest billionaires and corporations in our country would pay their fair share of taxes (I'm just asking that they pay the same percent that I do), maybe you wouldn't be so concerned about your grandmother's hip replacement surgery. After all, how many 24 karat gold toilet seats does a Texas oil billionaire truly need?

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So Whose Stopping You?
by: Warren

I agree with Anonymous. Not for you to say how long anybody needs to live. Maybe you can save Medicare a few bucks by refusing to apply when you are eligible. Or, since you feel so strongly about it, whose stopping you from practicing what you preach and checking out early yourself?

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WHAT???????
by: Anonymous

You are slamming Medicare which cares for the elderly, many of whom have served our country, lived within their means, and worked many jobs to care for their families?

You might want to think about the obscene financial burden on this country created by Medicaid rather than Medicare recipients. Many of those getting Medicaid and related benefits are receiving free medical care (including running to the ER for every little sniffle when responsible working people don't have that luxury.) They also receive food stamps, free birth control (not that its used) since they are rewarded with a check for every irresponsible decision made to have babies they cannot afford. Seems as if your disdain is misplaced.

As an aging baby boomer, I will soon be one of those about which you so disgustingly speak. Remember - you will be one of them one day if you live long enough. But perhaps you will be willing to shorten your life to ease the taxpayers burden?

But since you stated you wouldn't give your life for your parents it's doubtful you would sacrifice it for a mere taxpayer. I have the honor of caring for my 86 year old mother. Did we have a perfect relationship always--of course not. Would I give my life for her? Yes.

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