Warning: Nobody Wants to Hear This

I know nobody wants to hear this, but I just have to tell someone. It's Christmas Eve and I just cleaned up mom's bathroom again because she can't make it to the toilet in time. She ends up pooping in her pants. She tries to clean it herself and then there is feces in the sink, on the toilet, on the clothes hamper, on the paper towel roll, on the floor. The underwear is wrapped up in this huge ball of toilet paper.


The smell is horrendous.

I get in the bathroom with my gloves and Lysol and hazmat the scene.

This isn't new for mom but somehow it's worse on Christmas.

Today all the family will call in to wish us a Merry Christmas.

Can I tell any of them? Of course not.
My friends don't even want to hear it today.
So thanks. At least I could tell someone.
Sigh.
I feel a little better.

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There now
by: Atwitsend

Hi hun, I know where you are coming from, I'm there now. My dad had several strokes 2 years ago and I've been taking care of him for the last year. He does the same thing. He also uses my face cloths and anything else he can get a hold of to try to clean the mess up.

I have told him over and over when he makes a mess to please call me, that my grandchildren come here and that really needs cleaned up with a disinfectant. But he never listens. I lost it one one occasion after I told him and a hour later he did it again, but this time finding one of my good shirts to clean up with.

I don't know if he is embarrassed or just plain hardheaded but it would be less embarrassing if he would just call on me and let me handle it and I told him that. He got mad, oh well Dad, get mad because you can't keep doing this is what I said. So then he refused to eat, went on a hunger strike for 2 hours.

I know what you are going through, I am at my wits end too. I put my life on hold to take care of him,and he appreciates nothing I do. I could tell you some of the stuff he has said to my friends that has come here to visit me, but wont, it's just too nasty.

But I'm sure you could imagine..just no respect for me. Then I feel bad when I go off and tell him about himself. I am so emotionally, mentally, and physically drained constantly. I've done this alone for a year, but i I have help coming in my house now that gives me pretty good breaks, but I am still emotionally drained because of the way he talks to the help.

He thinks he is still some kind of stud and just talks nasty to women, and he does it right in front of me. I would just like a little respect, but he just don't seem to get it.

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burnt out to ashes
by: helena

Thank you for your story I have been through this same episode several times with my mother. Have you thought this makes them feel important its another way to control us and get more attention.

My lousy mother doesn't even say sorry and she doesn't even seem to be embarrassed by the mess she creates. But as I get so much silent treatment that too is her control method.

Last week it took 2+ hours to clean it all off the toilet,toilet wall,shower bathroom and hall way plus shower her then when Id finally finished I walked in the lounge room and the old incontinent dog had also done a sloppy job all over the lounge room and dining room floor.

I know its disgusting,and as her daughter its beyond me how she just acts as if nothing happened.That afternoon a friend rang to tell me of her lovely day visiting a winery with another couple of girlfriends, naturally I couldn't go but she said "we missed you not being with us but hope you had a nice day "My reply was "I wished I was with you but I had a shit of a day" If only these selfish parents knew how they destroy us.

But then again I'm sure that if my mother knew what a nice day I could of had it would of given her a second victory over me. Guess stuff happens

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I Understand
by: Anonymous

I understand your frustration, I had a similar problem with my father a few months back. He often did not even make it to the bathroom he would pull off the bed pads and even just go on the bedroom carpet. When my sisters would occasionally visit All I heard was that they could not believe dad was living this way.

I ended up purchasing a pet version carpet shampoo machine to help out. His condition has worsened and is now in a rest home I try to visit him daily to help with his meals but it is a 40 mile round trip.

He has started to refuse to eat and it seems to be my fault. I commend you for all your efforts my family and myself have been caring for him for over 7 years. Take Care

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Get someone
by: Anonymous

You are taking her pay check. Get someone to help once a week

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Why
by: Anonymous

Why are you taking money from her ?

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So sorry
by: Pati

It sounds awful and lonely. I'm so glad you wrote. We must express these frustrations or go crazy (or worse take them out on our parent(s). I haven't visited this site in a while and just wanted to offer you some support. You are not alone. Hang in there. Treat yourself kindly.

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Sympathy
by: Anonymous

Time for Depends. Take no prisoners,,,,insist upon it. Yikes!

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