Walk a Mile in My Shoes

If you don't know, you just don't know, and there's no cluing you in. Mom is at the point where she can't be left alone in the house. I've lived with her for almost six years but now I'm getting tied down more than ever. My brother lives a state away. Just far enough to make it terribly inconvenient and almost ridiculous to expect any help from him.


We had a tentative plan for May that he was going to come stay with her for a few days while I got out of town but now his calendar of events for May has filled up and he can't make it. It's probably a good wake-up call because just when we think we can rely on people to help us out, we find as usual that we are on our own.

We also had a pie-in-the-sky plan that he would come get mom in the summer and take her back to his home for a month. Dream on, sister. So I guess it's time to start looking into the agencies. I can't get mad at him because that only sits inside me and doesn't touch him at all.

I hate to think of a wedge growing between me and my brother over this but he has no idea what I'm going through and he never will. I think of all the unsung heroes I've known and I guess it's just the way of life. I've got to tuck this under my belt and deal with it on my own.

It's going to be a huge undertaking and when I tell my brother about it he's going to say "well, that's good" and the whole ordeal will be wrapped up in a neat little package in his mind. There's not only outside help to consider, there's going to be so much more coming down the road.

Who knows what turn mom will take.

Hospitalization, skilled nursing, her death itself, funeral arrangements, clearing out this home of 60 years, selling it, moving, then finally, finally, my life can begin again.

I don't wish my mom to die but that's the light at the end of the tunnel. Just living with her and watching her steady, painful decline is hard enough.

The end of life is absolutely insane. But it is what it is, and it's always best to know exactly where you stand. And I stand alone. So deal with it.

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