Very frustrated ~

by ANON

I just had a conversation with one of my siblings, a brother, concerning his helping care for our MOM. She has dementia. Cannot live alone. Cannot live with our Father.


Long story short, I have been asking for help, sending links to very informative online articles and such on the subject of caregiving...and families helping each other through this long and very tiring at times, battle.

However, this time he says, that I have never let him know HOW he could help me. And I have told him how over and over. I have sent emails and explained. He repied so I know he indeed did receive them. And I told him six months ago what to expect while with her, although there is no handbook. Each case is different.

But I made it clear what to expect and what to do best I could. I told him you just have to kind of "wing it'. Take it as it comes. Just try it anyways. But I really was floored today when, after one of her Drs., told me to point blank tell them: Suck it up and help out with MOM.

Actually he even suggested leaving her at one of the brother's doors with her bag packed and mine.

And announce, she would be staying with them and I would be leaving with my husband for a trip ....much needed get away. All I have ever asked my siblings, was for at least one day a week or once a month weekend off.

Will one of them please step up and agree to help so I can recharge my batteries, get away from the disease, and come back refreshed. Well, today I had the same converstaion...again. When he began saying that this is the first day he ever heard me explain what I really wanted him to do....I could hardly believe he would say that...or think that.

Because I know we had the same conversation six months ago. I am so frustrated. I have been caring for MOM in our home, my husband and I, taking care of all her appointments, her meds, all her care. We have only had occasional time off. It is not fair.

She never sees her other kids. They only get in touch, at holidays and birthday. I have even sent emails saying please come while she remembers who we are. That doesn't seem to matter to them. I am so tired emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Yes, it is a battle. And one that should be fought TOGETHER AS A FAMILY. THERE IS STRENGTH IN NUMBERS.

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The Same Here
by: Anonymous

I had to move my mom in with me. I live in a different state than her. I have one brother that lives next door to her and refuses to help.

I don't get any time off. He's more concerned about what's wrong with him than helping with mom.

I know what you mean by being drained physically, mentally, and spiritually. And Jesus is all we have. He promised to bring us through.

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I hear ya!
by: Anonymous

I can't get my siblings to help either. A long story I've wrote about in the past on here. They both live far away and use that as an excuse, plus money.

I've talked to them about letting her stay for 6 months at each of their houses and they both have excuses. Anyway I feel your pain and I do agree with your doctor about showing up on their doorstep.

But being able to do that would be hard for me to do. I kind of like the idea of it. I may do it. How about you? Ill let you know if I work my guts up to do it.

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