Velma, Disabled 61 year old.

by Velma
(Edwards, MS)

My mother is 80 years old. She is an amputee with a serious gambling habit. My brother died last year who was her caregiver. I have one sister who lives out of town, whom rarely visits, and one brother who lives on on the same street with his family who works 14 to 16 hours a day and his family provides little or no support to mom. I live 40 minutes away from her.


After my brother died my plan was to move home to take care of my mom. Up until a week or so before I move in I found out she did not want me to move in with her by her sisters. When I asked mom why, she said I had a good husband and she wanted me to stay at home. I am aware that she was lying.

She further said she was able to take care of herself. Immediately, she was under the impression that I should drive the 80 mile round trip 4 or five days a week for her care.

Now, I have become aware that my mother have some strong resentment toward me and my relationship with my deceased father. She has been telling my brother, sister and anybody who will listen that I was my daddy's favorite child and that I cared more about my dad than her.

She complain about everything I do, Ex. the groceries store food is not good. I don't clean up enough, I spend too much money, I can't be trusted with money however she has doesn't have any reason. While I am at her house to clean she doesn't talk to me and keeps her back turn. When my brother visit she becomes a chatterbox.

She wants his family to care for her yet they barely come by for a visit. My brother recently has been coming after a long day a work to takes out the garbage and minor chore here and there and he states I provide mom with a quality of life. That nobody else is able to do it.

Presently, my mother was hospitalized with pneumonia. She is weak and unable to to get into wheel chair. The doctors recommended a temporary rehab in the nursing home.

She has complained about everything including that I put her in the home against her will and that she is able to take care of herself and don't need rehab. Now saying that I am keeping her in the home.

The is a short version of all the stuff I am having to deal with. She hates me yet I am the only one to help her. At this point I am giving up. I don't know what else to do. She is unhappy with my care.

I have suggested she pay for the service of a aide 3 or four days a week. She refuses saying that those people would kill her. She has good pension and social security where can pay for her own care but she prefers to gamble her money instead. I don't gamble but because she has an addiction, I will take her once a month but she will blow all her money and refuse to leave. So, it is not feasible to take her.

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