Used by Everyone

by Marie
(Pittsburgh, Pa)

For 37 years I was that adult child who stayed in the area, while the other four siblings could not leave home fast enough.


My husband and I did everything for my parents.

This past year my father started showing signs of memory problems. My mother has Parkinson's but refused the medicine. She started falling and their home was split entry. So in and out of hospitals and nursing homes since 2011.

His memory problems resulted in him not giving her, her medications including Coumadin. I went over one day and her legs were swollen. Now here is where the problem has always been.

I tell my siblings and they do nothing. They might have come home once a year for a family reunion and that is it! So frustration builds. My dad was staying with my mother every time she was hospitalized or in a nursing home for rehab. He would only leave to get a shower.

This last time in May I noticed he did not want to drive the short distance back home, I had to bring his clothes and personal items to him. I now am realizing it is his driving, and he does not remember how to get home. Once again, I tell my siblings who all live out of state. Nothing!

My parents were to move to an apartment in the nursing home that the rest of the kids thought might work but the siblings did not tell my dad how much he would be paying monthly. The day he was to move in my dad asked my husband how much will this cost me, when he found out he said we are not going to move in. The siblings were okay with our parents moving back into their house. I was frantic, once again it was bad and then we were back to square one again.

It was horrible and I knew if something was not done they would die in that house. My mother had my dad call me one day and when she talked to me on the phone, she was not sure if dad fed her.

The Doctor got the visiting nurses involved to check her Coumadin levels and they were always off because he was not giving her the medicine and he was not taking his medications.

One nurse turned my parents into Adult Protective Services. My brother heard this and called me to tell me. Looking back I know now they all blamed me for this. The Doctor told me to have an ambulance come to the house to take mom and dad to the ER. Mom for her levels being low dad for a mental health check up.

The only sibling I was talking to at this time was furious with me. He did not want his father being institutionalized. Well nothing happened, the hospital released my mother with her levels still low and dad with a diagnosis of on set dementia.

Once again back to their home. This was having such an effect on me physically, mentally and spiritually. The siblings all decided behind my back (when my parents were not home) to look for the will yes they each took turns driving to my parents house, from out of state( even though they all lived far away they could not help me but helped themselves).

I at this time was able to get a message to my dad's attorney asking for her help to help me keep my parents alive. The Dr. who was their Dr. said their is nothing more than can do. Dad removed mom from the home and the home would not take them back. But adult protective services called me to say that they were going to pay my parents a visit.

In the mean time two siblings had made plans to come up and get power of attorney. Yes dad never would give it to me even though I was the one helping to take care. At this point I called the secretary of my parents attorney to tell them my siblings were coming up. My sister made calls and calls from Florida. In the end they found a new attorney and called my parents attorney's office and said her services were no longer needed.

Before the siblings arrived the Doctor and the director of adult protective services were not allowing my parents to be by themselves so I was told I needed to go over and stay for as long as it took to see what was what, the siblings had not arrived yet and if I did not go they would place my parents.

This may sound harsh (I was physically sick I could not go but my husband did) but I felt now someone was going to help my parents. Six days later the siblings took my parents out of state and I never found out until three days later. Never got to say good bye tell them I loved them nothing!

I was under the assumption they were still at my parents home getting things worked out with the Dr. and the officer. So now I am not told what is happening to my parents, I make calls and did get my one sibling who they are living with to set up a Skype so I can see and talk to my parents. I have been accused by my siblings as being mentally ill to allow something like this to happen.

My sister just sent a hateful letter saying I must have been so desperate to concoct such a heinous idea as to want our parents to become wards of the state. So all those years of caring for my parents and this is how it ends.

There is so much more that had happened trying to keep my parents alive I could not list everything. But now I am the hated sibling and they never did any wrong. Before all of the trouble I was the facilitator for a Care Givers support Group. But when the time came for everything to fall into place it was the opposite. It is so sad. My parents are I guess okay. I am not told anything!

Both of them had to get used to the idea they are no longer in their home nor their state. Their house is up for sale and this past week my little brother who was getting some help from my older brother asked me to come down and give him a break. My older brother moved back to the state my parents lived in and I still do.

When my mother was bleeding internally and I was out of state I texted all of them and no one responded. As of now I it has been 6 months since the move I am planning on visiting my parents, my little brother is at least not mean or hateful so I can tolerate him long enough to see my mom and dad.

Such a mess and feeling the fingers of blame and the hate in their words is very unsettling! My heart goes out to all who become Care Givers! God Bless YOU!

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