Unsure What to Do
My mother has problems with peripheral vascular disease linked to an underlying condition of lupus (sle). She's had ongoing medical problems for several years.
Reading other people's stories, I feel a bit guilty because I'm not doing as much as so many, but I'm exhausted with what I am doing and very resentful of my brother and sister's attitude.
My mum had one leg amputated above the knee 2.5 years ago and was in and out of hospital. She then went into a nursing home for a few months, as she was too ill to live on her own. But she's extremely stubborn and she wanted to go home - this being an upstairs apartment and she can't walk and is in a wheelchair.
So she went home - I organised carers, but had to keep going round (over 1/2 hour drive) because she'd forget to take medicine etc. I work full time and have my own family. My husband's been brilliant and my children were helpful before they left home recently. I managed to get my mum moved to a sheltered flat on the ground floor adapted for a wheelchair, but she's not happy - she doesn't like where the flat is, she doesn't like her neighbours.
She wants me to find her somewhere else - it was so hard to get this apartment in the first place and I feel so angry that she is so unappreciative of what I'm doing for her.
The disease has started in her other foot and she's now had to have an amputation of part of that. My sister lives a couple of hours away and doesn't come, but makes things difficult by writing nasty letters to my mother
and upsetting her - which just impacts on me.
My brother lives in Australia and he comes to visit once a year - big deal to my mother and he becomes the saint whilst doing very little, while what I do every day is just taken for granted.
She's been in and out of hospital for a month after this operation and I've insisted she go into a nursing home, which she can afford, for a few weeks convalescence. I've been ill almost continuously for the last 6 weeks - with bronchitis and putting my back out by lifting her, my blood pressure has rocketed; I've put on lots of weight - purely down to the stress etc of what I'm doing for her.
My brother and sister are now making a fuss about her being in the nursing home "her money will go really quickly" - they're only really bothered about their "inheritance". They couldn't care less if I dropped down dead, as long as I do it just after my mother dies so that she doesn't spend "their" money in a nursing home.
Also my mother is fussing about coming out of the nursing home - she can't even transfer to the toilet independently. She has half a foot.
This has been a really good way to vent my anger and frustration and I've decided that my own life is worth more to me.
My mother's had her life and her opportunity, and I'm not going to be guilt-tripped into giving up what may be years of my own life, particularly at a time when for my husband and I, with our children having just left home, we should be at a good time for ourselves.