Unhappy and Manipulative Mother

by Penny
(LA, CA, USA)

About 12 years ago my Dad died from esophageal cancer. I had him and my mother move into my home so I could take care of him. For three years until his death I took care of him and I loved it. He was a wonderful Dad and a wonderful patient. Now my Mother is close to 92 and miserable. She's never been an affectionate loving person like my Dad.

I know she loves me but she can also be manipulative and even mean to me growing up. Now that she's unsteady and in decline she wants what my Dad got. Me, 24/7 and I'm getting more and more depressed. With other people she's upbeat and friendly but alone with me she's constantly complaining and becoming more and more helpless and angry.

Although, if she's trying to "punish" me she's ambulatory and can make lunch for her self, etc. I've hired a young woman to spend 4 nights a week with her and I spend 3 nights a week but I end up at her home every day.

She constantly complains about the young woman, who is wonderful to her, and it's clear she wants me and just me to care for her. Being with her so much sucks the air of the room for me. She constantly has a frown on her face and it's like she's afraid I don't feel sorry enough for her.

I'm 64 and I'm becoming more and more miserable every day. If I try to talk to her about getting a care giver in not just for a few nights but a few days as well she gets angry.

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Set boundaries
by: Slavegirl

It's easy to say (I've been there for 13 years) and I failed to do it, but the only way to manage care for another person is for them to recognize that you have decided to have a life.

They are more than happy to try and manipulate/guilt/etc you into doing their will and staying with them. But canceling your plans does nothing for you.

Life vampires will take everything you've got then expect more and criticize you when it's not provided. Get a counselor. Fight for your life. You've done so much already. Do not sacrifice your life. You deserve more than this.

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