Unemployed Caretaker

by Susan
(H.B, Calif. USA)

My father is 85 and in pretty good shape. His sight is not that great, he no longer drives and needs help. I became unemployed 2 years ago and then my dad had a bad fall in the park with his walking group.

I live close so I took care of him. Then a couple of months later he had to have his prostate removed. So for a while he was really having a rough time. During these times I had hired a caregiver to help when I wasn't there. Boy was my father pissed! Now that he's better there's no way he's going to put up with outside care coming in to help.

I don't mind helping but my unemployment benefits are due to run out in Jan, my problem is that even though I'm doing legitimate work for my father I feel a little guilty wanting to be paid for it?

If I hire someone we'd have to pay them anyway and for help that's just not as good and that makes my father uncomfortable when we could just hire me for cheaper and he'd get better service and I'd have a legitimate job and my self worth back! Is that wrong?

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Helping Dad understand Mom's Condition
by: Anonymous

My dad is 76, Mom 72. She is in mid stage Alzheimer's according to the doctors and I am in agreement w/diagnosis. My Dad is not typical, he has always been argumentative since I can remember, & my 3 brothers agree. I am the only daughter, so day to day issues/problems are mostly up to me, although all my brothers are very supportive, my My Mother mostly relates to me.

My issue is my Father..he has become someone I no longer know, we have always been close, but he has lately crossed the line w/some family members, which has now caused a fracture in the family structure. He has also told me about things from the past that he has done that are very upsetting to me & I cannot tell my brothers.

I am worried about Mom's safety with him as primary caretaker, he does things that put her at risk(refuses to turn on lights for her,then makes excuses that changes with every story) I am disabled & cannot be there all the time, but he makes me feel guilty every day about it. I am super stressed as this is only a fraction of the issues I deal with on a daily basis.

Nothing is Wrong with That
by: Doug in Fla

Nothing is wrong with that. I am in same situation. I am working a bit when I am able and the work is offered. So that helps. But I do have mom pay for all she can. After all my help does have value.

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