by Lynlee
(Okc Oklahoma)

So I lost my mom 18 months ago. After her passing I would come to my parents house to clean and cook a couple of times a week for my dad. He still gets around pretty well(he is 84), he can use the restroom and dress by himself but he does have some mobility issues and is on a wide range of medication.

He doesn't drive so I also take him to doc appointments and wherever else he needs to go.
About 6 weeks ago my husband died unexpectedly. It was unreal. One day we are happily sitting around the kitchen table and the next day he was gone.

We have a 15 year old son but more on him later. So I spend the next 3 weeks after my husband's passing basically in shock. My son came to stay with my dad as he could not take hearing his mother crying and wailing and asking God why for 24 hours a day.

I'm grateful my son has a comfort zone with his papa. They are very close and dad has really helped to comfort my boy. My son has enrolled in school here and is doing remarkably well although I sometimes think I hear him crying in his room.

He assures me that even though he misses his dad he is basically okay. I guess he feels he needs to be strong for his mom. Okay back to my dad.
My dad suggested my son and I could move into his house with him seeing as now with my husband gone I have no income.

We were living basically paycheck to paycheck with no savings. I had a pet sitting service that didn't pay very much but it was some extra money that we used for fun stuff. Long story short, we packed up our belongings, my son said goodbye to his friends and we came 35 miles to dads to make it our new home.

It has pretty much been a nightmare since. my dad and I see eye to eye on basically nothing. I get up at 6:30am to see my son off to school. Dad gets up a little before noon and wants breakfast. He expects sausage biscuits eggs and coffee.

A full breakfast at lunch. I prepare breakfast for my son before he leaves so at this point I'm doing breakfast twice. Okay, not a big deal except before I moved in here dad was happy with a bowl of cereal which given the hour he gets up, suffices nicely.

He then stays on the computer til around 2pm. Just long enough for me to get dishes done and laundry going. Just as I'm about sit and have a ten minute break he will demand I do something that involves him, magically a shirt that
needs ironing will appear, his toenails need trimming, his hair needs cut ect( you get the idea).

I don't mind doing these things after all it is why I here but he is so demanding about it. If I don't immediately drop what I'm doing to run to his side then I'm accused of not caring or being attentive.

He gets mad when he hears me cry for my husband.

The other day he burst into my bedroom(no knock first) to tell me to "shut up and get over it". He never cared for my husband so I get to listen to his nasty remarks regarding my husband.

My son and I have no say in what gets served for dinner. I cook what dad wants and either my son and I eat it or we don't. Dad goes to church every Sunday and although I drive him I do not attend. My son and I are of a different denomination than dad.

I would love to go to a church of my choosing while dad at his but dad wants me to be "on call" in case he needs me. Last Sunday I went to visit my husband's grave site and was 2 minutes late picking dad up from church. You would have thought the world was ending.

He demanded to know where I had been and got mad when I replied it was none of his business. He then "suggested" I should just start coming into church for his services as my place of worship is doomed for hell.

I remember back to growing up how overbearing his and my mother's parenting style was and now at 52 years old I'm being treated as if I were ten again. I can't stay up past 10pm. If I do the next morning dad will say " well I heard you up all night what seems to be the problem?". I can't do the laundry right, can't cook right, clean right, nothing is good enough yet he wants to include me and ask for my opinion regarding the bills, shopping ect.

One minute I'm being treated like a kid again and the next minute I'm being treated as if I'm his wife and I am neither!! Talking it out does no good as he has no interest in the fact that my husband died and I'm still grieving.

That my son and I gave up OUR home to come make him more comfortable. And that each day I wake up feeling as if I'm in hell because I miss my husband I miss our home we shared. I miss my hometown and my church family.

I am a wreck here and now I'm stuck. My life as is now SUCKS. I'm so depressed. Sorry for the novel. I had to vent.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Caregiver Stress.

Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2019 | All Rights Reserved

Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. Need help with negative complaining mother

    Dec 28, 20 12:23 PM

    My mother is 93, in good health, no major heath issues, totally ambulatory. When my father died 6 years ago we found her a beautiful independent senior

    Read More

  2. Ugh!!

    Dec 28, 20 12:21 PM

    So I lost my mom 18 months ago. After her passing I would come to my parents house to clean and cook a couple of times a week for my dad. He still gets

    Read More

  3. 16yrs of Elderly care with NO HELP

    Dec 28, 20 12:18 PM

    I came back home in 2004 to help my dad as he had cancer, he eventually passed away few years later. Well here I am am in 2020 still at home taking care

    Read More