Troubled and Questioning my Own Actions

by Donna
(Louisiana )

I've just turned fifty and have been living with my mom since around 2004 when I lost my job of eight years and being a single mother of two daughters.


I racked up plenty credit card bills trying to give them some kind of life. My dad died in 1988. So she would have still been alone had I not moved in. Yes I know I should be able to float my own boat by now and I'm working with credit counselors so I can be able to take care of myself on the near future. With all that being said.... Here's the problem.

My mom is now 92 years old Still in her right mind and somewhat able to get around. Despite that she was recently declared legally blind. She had a double by-pass at 87. She is a fighter and still going strong.

Several years ago WE bought a car in her name. It was my car. But we got a cheaper note in her name. I paid the note but she gave me some money each month to help. She said it was her car too because I had to use it to bring her wherever she needed or wanted to go. I fix her medicine every week so she can take it daily on her own.

I'm there with her every night barely anytime for myself. (I don't mind)!!! She also helped me with some other financial stuff. Well my brother said he didn't think mama should be responsible for my car and made me take it out of her name. Which was a very complicated process!!

I had to make sure nothing my mom helped me with was in her name. I am on her bank account so I can manage things. I do the grocery shopping, bill paying, give her cash from the account when ever she requests it.

She's helped me with other bills along the way that come up. We basically act as a married couple. We share everything. I help anytime I have extra. She has in her will that I can stay in the house as long as necessary after she dies. Everyone else has a home.

Now recently my nephew has been staying with us for a little while because he was homeless. But my child was not allowed to stay when she was in the same situation because it would be too hard on mama. Now my daughter is homeless with a four month old baby and twelve year old daughter.

I want to let her stay with us until she gets on her feet...she is separated from her husband and he refuses to give her there home until the divorce. I can't let her be on the streets.

My other daughter is letting her stay with her at the moment... But is expecting her own baby in March. "No room in the inn". My mom says she's more than okay with it except she's worried about not having enough space and that they in no way bother or make her nervous.

Well my brother chewed me out saying if anything happened to make mom die sooner. IT WILL BE MY FAULT!! I could go on and on even more. But basically I just need to see if I'm wrong by having my daughter stay here with the two kids even though mom says it's okay.... Oh and my brother also had mom add him to the checking account and is watching every penny we spend.

Mama doesn't even want to go eat at a restaurant in fear they will ask why?? Why does she help me.. Did I get permission to buy this or that. Y'all need to add more to the saving account Etc. keep I mind she only gets a little over a thousand a month.

I ask them Do you spend less than that a month to live... I think not!! Ok I Quit!! Any suggestions for me??

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Troubled
by: Anonymous

Well the problem with that is that my brother and sister already have power of attorney for when mom can no longer make decisions on her own.

But even though she's still capable of making up her own mind. They act like she's not!! They think their opinion is the most important. I don't know if I mentioned this but when he was ranting on me.

He asked if I thought I owned the house and if I thought I could do whatever I wanted. He said I might live there but it's not my house. So basically my opinions or thoughts about any decision doesn't matter.

The house belongs to me and all my siblings after mom is gone as stated in her will. So he has not right to talk to me that way

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Advice
by: Sharon

Donna, the first thing you need to do is get Power of Attorney on your mother. Without that your brother will make your life miserable.

Look into your local senior care assistance programs for advice on how to get this done at a minimal cost. You want it to be all nice and legal. Families for the most part, suck.

Trust me, I know. I have had my 91 YO mother living with me for 10 years. (I'm 60) I have 3 brothers who never call or visit.

Fortunately I do have POA and also Health Care Proxy on my mother and my brothers wouldn't DARE say a word to me with anything I do. And as far as I'm concerned, they have no right to say anything.

I've been the one who puts up with my mother's BS and her rotten moods and nasty remarks. ME. I deal with her every day and still maintain a full time job and keep up a home without a husband.

My brothers can go straight to hell. And when she dies, I'll give them nothing! I hope this helped you. Good luck!

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