Trapped Staying with Mom
I am a 52 years old woman who had to move back to my parents home 10 years ago for financial reasons. When my step father was alive for the first three years it was alright. I was able to go back to school, work full time and have a life.
Then suddenly my stepfather died leaving Mom when she was 82 years old. A first it was fine she still done everything on her own then she became lonely and depended on me for companionship, she stopped doing things on her own.
Mom has always been young for her age but 2 years ago Mom started saying she was sick and was dying saying she couldn't walk. I think it was a test to see who be there for her.
She is now 91 ( doctor says she well on her way to 100)wants me to be with her at all times, which means she didn't want me to do anything that she was not the center of attention. I have a son who is married with two wonderful grandchildren.
She resents any time I spend with them and doesn't want to be involved. But she has never been to involved in any thing that she was not the center of.
If it is 5 minutes past the time I'm suppose to get off work she is calling me asking where am I. She does not want to be alone at all at night,which means I have to stay home or she becomes hateful and cruel.
I have 5 sisters and bothers,two of which live near(less
then 30 miles) none of them ever visit her or take her anywhere. They think because I live there it is my responsibility. I work two jobs and have some savings, I can afford a place of my own but I feel like I cant leave her.
I think my Siblings think I don't pay any bills there, but I pay all the bills while my mother banks her money to give to them when she dies. Mom is leaving the house to me and my sister, who does nothing for her.
Mom tells me all the time this is her house and if I don't take care of her I will not get the house. I'm the only one who has to do anything for an inheritance, my siblings can live their own life. I'm not allowed to have a life, no friends, family or male companion.
She thinks I should quit my job so I can be home with her. Work is my only reprieve, as soon as I walk in the door I have to wait on mom. I have tried to set limits but I am to soft. I have become resentful to my siblings because they do not help.
My self esteem has taken a direct hit because of this I think. I have become very overweight, food is my comfort. I not happy any more, I'll probably die before her in my present condition. She is so cruel and possessive. I fantasize about leaving all the time, but the quilt overwhelms me. I feel like I'm in prison and I feel so alone.