Toxic

by Zee
(Mississippi)

My mother 77 had a fall in March of 2019 It's a long story, but she has a Muscular Disorder. It has left her totally Crippled. My sister came down for a while after the fall and left the end of May 2019.(she does not work)


My mother then decided and nothing was discussed,she moved her way into my house. I am not married and me and my boyfriend live together.I work 3-jobs to support myself.

My mother is totally disabled. I can't take care of her anymore. she knew that when she fell in March and we were not on speaking terms.

Our relationship is very abusive verbally that is why I left home at 17. I am 56 now at the height of my career I have one daughter who needs me.

I am asking for suggestions as where she needs to go for the help I get told every day I am a selfish "Bitch". she cusses in my house. I can't take it anymore.

My boyfriend and I want our home back and I want her to get the help she needs. I have to stay healthy and strong for my daughter.

It's at the point, I don't want to come home anymore after work.
I want my quiet peaceable life back, the stress is not my jobs those are easy. Its when I get home.

My boyfriend is a wonderful man, we both have been through horrible relationships.. My mother has made him to take care of her too.. We are not married and I feel he does not have to. This is definitely, putting stress on our relationship. I don't want to loose him.

I am not a care giver!!! I hate Bed Pans !!!
I need a change quick

Comments for Toxic

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
In Answer to Your Question....
by: Anonymous

Anywhere that is not within the four walls of your home!!!

Caring is hard enough when you are dealing with a pleasant co-operative senior but abuse?? NO NO NO. Calling you a bitch everyday? Anyone who thinks you should put up with this out of duty or obligation is not right in their own minds.

Do what you need to do and do it pronto. It intrigues me that we allow youngsters and adults to be homeless on the streets, can walk past them without a second thought, yet if we did this to these sour old vultures there would be uproar.

That old stereotype of sweet harmless little old folk is crap, some of the nastiest people I have come across are the ancient amongst us. I wish you every success in reclaiming your home, your sanity and your happiness.

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Look after yourself
by: Anonymous

Your mother sounds like a narcissist. Look up Carole McBride daughter of narcissist mothers. It’s Avery helpful book.

My mother and my father in law are narcs so I have a lot of experience.

These people have brought you up to feel guilt and shame - and that’s how they keep you in serving their wants and projecting their shit into you. It literally eats away at you like an energy vampire.
Trust me - you will end up with a chronic illness if you keep this up. Like cancer.

Take drastic steps now to get her into a home or assisted living arrangement. If she won’t that’s her choice and you don’t have to look after her. Say you are happy to visit her but there are plenty of facilities that will take best care of her, but if she is rude to her tell her you will only visit if she is civil.

If she is not civil, don’t visit her for several weeks each time she is uncivil being clear about your boundaries.

Back away slowly, and be careful for "traps" to reel you back in to the fold. Narcissists miss their chew toy. Also be aware they are highly manipulative and get worse in old age. Expect other people to think they are amazing and you should be doing more etc.

join a narc survivor group and share war stories or get counseling if you have to but do not take on the "flying monkeys" your mother has employed through her machinations. Not all old people are lovely. We need to acknowledge their is a good percentage of horrible elderly people. Best of luck

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
I hear you...
by: Anonymous

I feel for you. I’m 61, I have a loving caring patient husband. Two grown kids. My only sister is 70 & doesn’t live that close. My Mom is 97. She has had three falls this year, the last one she broke her wrist.

Normally she’s very independent and I knew she wouldn’t be forever. She is still in her own bone but refuses to think about moving into assisted living. She is not nice to me. She never acknowledges my presence, she is nice to everyone treats me like hired help.

Whenever I do take her somewhere she throws money at me. I hate it. It’s like she feels then she’s not indebted to me for anything and the money is justification for taking all her shit.

Now she’s starting to feel lonely, and wonders why I don’t come visit her. She’s not been nice to me since my Dad died, like it was my fault. She wanted us to take over his care , she wouldn’t do it.

She can’t do anything for anyone , except a stranger , she will help or feed an elderly person in a home, but would never feed my dad, and when I said if it’s too much she should get help she was defiant and called the nurses names .

She was nasty and still is to me. I get why, she was abandoned at age of 6 or something and now she dumps all her feelings on me. My dad was her caregiver , let her do whatever she wanted.

She’s been spoiled and selfish all her life, I can’t talk to her , last time I took her to the dr she and I yelled at one another in the car. We are estranged, she doesn’t thing she’s done anything wrong , never apologizes.

Now she calls my husband and talks to him and says he’s the only one who cares. I wish she would go into care but won’t I’m afraid her next fall will be a broken hip and then we will be in big trouble!

Her house is full of piggy banks,over a thousand. And other collections . Since my dad died she’s filled the space with stuff. I can’t handle it , it makes me ill. Doesn’t bother my sister, yet she is not around to have to deal with it,

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
find a place for her
by: Anonymous

and hire movers. set a date, get her moved and be done with it. Period. You don't need to be abused like you're being. If she still has her home then move her back there and get caregivers over there. Hugs for you. Be strong.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Caregiver Stress.


Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2019 | All Rights Reserved


Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. Sister Will Not Help

    Nov 21, 19 04:34 PM

    I just found this website and reading through all the comments. I can't believe how many people are out there with the same issues as mine, a sibling

    Read More

  2. Care for our Parents with no Sibling help

    Nov 21, 19 04:32 PM

    Seven years ago a doctors office prescribed my mother wrong medication while telling her her medicines would change as they would become generic. They

    Read More

  3. Mom fighting us on her care

    Nov 18, 19 12:27 PM

    My 86 year old mother lives alone and complains everyday that’s she’s alone. My brother and I both work so we can’t be there for her. Recently her copd

    Read More