Too Many People to Take Care of - I am Sick Too!

by Jeanne
(South Carolina)

I have a husband with third stage Parkinson's disease who just retired last year. He questions me constantly about everything I do, who I am talking to on the phone or texting, just every little thing. When I leave the house he calls me 3-4 times in a couple hour period.

Then, I have an 80 year old mother who is in assisted living facility. She is completely self-involved and feels I should drop everything else in my life and put her first.

I am helping my son raise his 13 year old son as the child has a mother who has no interest in him. I do all the "mom" stuff for this child and have for 13 years.

On top of this, I have fibromyalgia (severe enough to make me disabled from working) and a very aggressive form of Rheumatoid arthritis that my doctor is having trouble finding a biologic medicine that will help ease my painful and swelling joints.

I am constantly doing for everyone else and have no time to take care of myself as I know I should be doing. My rheumatologist insists I must reduce my stress, but who do I drop - my husband with Parkinson's, my self-involved elderly mother, or my 13 year old basically motherless grandchild? Not an easy choice.

I walk around angry and depressed most of the time because I resent that I have no time for myself and cannot take care of my own health!

Any suggestions anyone?

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Just When I Thought I had it so Bad!
by: Anonymous

Oh my goodness I feel for you, I totally understand what you are saying as I too walk around angry and depressed all the time. People are constantly telling me to smile and I am just sick of it, they don't understand or even care how I feel.

First of all I would try explaining to your husband, mother, and son exactly what you are feeling. Since your husband is calling you all the time I would say you need a break from all of his calls unless it is an emergency. I have been listening to my dad griping and complaining about every little thing and I told him I don't want to hear about it UNLESS it is an emergency.

Your mother is taken care of and she needs to realize just that. I commend you for helping your son but you aren't his sons mother and you can't be everything to all people. As much as you'd like to be there for everyone you must realize that people can get very needy and ungrateful and only see their needs first.

You must take care of yourself first and you have to explain this to everybody before you aren't able to take care of anyone. Make it a point they take you VERY seriously about your mental, physical and emotional stability. If you just explain YOUR needs maybe they will understand what a toll this is taking on YOUR HEALTH.

Good luck my friend

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