Too Many Life Saving Medications!

If there was a plug to pull I would have yanked it out yesterday. I don't blame the doctors as I know you are sworn to do everything you can for a patient, but "modern medicine" is keeping people alive for too long.

In my case, my mother hasn't done anything productive in over a decade because she's too ill to live a normal life or hold a job, but definitely too healthy to be anywhere near a hospital as her pills regulate her blood sugar and regulate her heart beat and regulate her mood issues.

Some days I feel as if she'll live to be 100 and I don't know if I can take another 30 years of supporting her EMOTIONALLY! I wouldn't mind the bills if she in any way, shape or form appreciated me.

Instead, I am "fulfilling my duty as a child" and am subjected to her talking to me like a 10 year old on a daily basis, despite the redundant "boundaries" conversations.

She knows there is no where else for her to go but here, so she has no filter. Ugh.. just venting.. just venting.. some days it's unbearable knowing what you put up with and everything you sacrifice (privacy, living without constant judgment, criticizing parenting skills, etc, etc etc)...

Some people have great relationships with their parents and miss them so.. I cannot relate.

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Fed up with elderly parent and his stubborness
by: SusanAnonymous

I have been the main care giver to my dad for four years and although I have put all the help for him in place I still feel stressed out and unappreciated.

I am due to go away for 2 weeks next month, and all I get is negative comments from my dad who really does not want me to go. Feel guilty at leaving him but need to have break. Can anyone offer any advice?

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Agree!
by: Anonymous

Thank you for putting into words some of the feelings I have! No one understands when I make the odd comment that I'm tired of listening to the angry, agitated and constantly complaining woman my dear old dad put up with for more than 67 years before he died.

Everyone is all "oh, she lost her husband , she moved to be closer to family, it's so hard on HER." My brother has never lifted a finger to help me with any of my parent's issues (except for the one attached to the hand he holds out for financial handouts.)

My mother is never satisfied, never happy, and a totally asocial/misanthropic personality. She is in a lovely assisted living apartment and nothing is ever right, everyone is stupid, no one worth socializing with.

Yet, when she goes to a doctor or the bank, somewhere where she knows she is being judged somewhat, the effort put forth is nothing short of an Oscar-worthy performance. Of course, after the appointment, she needs to sleep for hours due to the energy put forth to be seen as a bright,competent and smart woman.

My mother is nearly 90,and has an arsenal of medications as well as an ICD pacemaker that will likely keep that heart going long after mine has stopped. She enjoys ill health and all her problems,I think.

But,listening to someone constantly run you down, run down your own children and your husband is very depressing. I call her everyday and it's always the same, I can never do anything good enough.I could just shake her sometimes then I feel really guilty for thinking that way.

Sometimes you just can't win. It's sad she has spent her entire life never allowing herself to feel pleasure or enjoyment in anything.

I'm sure she would have benefited from psychiatric help once upon a time but it's probably too late to help a diseased personality beginning to further deteriorate from dementia.

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Prayers
by: Sandy

Hi there. You are, and have been under extreme stress, for what sounds to be a long time. My heart goes out to you, as well as my prayers.

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Too Funny!
by: Anonymous

Thanks for the laugh...that first line. If there was a plug to pull, I would have yanked it out yesterday! I'm still cracking up. I'm going to remember that one for the hard times.

My mom, too, is extremely healthy for 93 years old. Everyone is amazed and congratulates her when she goes to medical appointments or even when I take her shopping for shoes or they meet her on the street.

And there I am in the background like a Sherpa. You know, those people who are so acclaimed to have climbed Mount Everest would never make it without the Sherpas. We are unwittingly prolonging these very lives that are sucking away our life each day.

I have a total Mother-Daughter relationship with my mom, except now I'm the Mother and she's the Daughter. So many times the image of child-rearing comes to mind in all the little gestures I do, like making meals, opening doors, making sure she has everything before we leave the house and is wearing the proper clothes, even putting her in front of the TV screen with DVDs as a babysitter!

All the background environment is taken care that allows those people to say, My she looks wonderful! Nobody ever says I look wonderful!

Each day I say to myself, I must keep living my life, somehow, in someway, however small or insignificant. On the days I find myself lounging on the couch watching those DVDs with her all day long, are the days I want to pull that plug. Except it's my plug I want to pull.

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Hang in there!
by: Anonymous

In the course of history, children were expected to be caregivers, but that was when people normally passed in their 60's.....and it seemed that the elderly were more gracious and grateful.

I have spent the last 5 years since my mother passed being made miserable by my father. Thanks to the kind comments by others who have listened to me vent and whine and complain....I feel like I am starting to be able to deal with it....but it has taken me a very long 5 years.

Take some time for yourself, ask for help and learn to say NO. When you have a control freak for a parent it is soo hard for them to deal with role reversal.

I think that need a pat on the back for putting up with it....others will help you get through it when you do not see appreciation from the parent.

Stay strong!

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