Told not to Come Back to Dad's House

by Marie
(Canada)

I have been helping my parents for 2 1/2 years and now been told to leave and not come back.


About 2 1/12 years ago my mom started to physically deteriorate. I started to help out with driving her places and shopping. Then my mom fell and broke her hip.

She recovered fairly well and then got breast cancer. She did radiation, and then had her breast removed. Her heart then just got too weak and she passed away Sept. of 2014.

I am the only child in the city. My sister lives abroad, one brother about 2 hours away and one brother about 25 minutes away. My 3 boys 25,29 and 30 along with my husband have been helping my dad ever since.

My mom was a bit of a hoarder, and did all of the finances and shopping. My dad seemed to be doing okay and pushing forward.

About 2 weeks ago, I went to see my dad. He was sitting in his bed, very alert. I said hi and he very angrily said what are you doing here? That surprised me, and I said most people respond with a hello. He said well I'm not, you can leave and don't come back. I left.

I did speak with my brother about this, and he knew nothing about it.
My dad has a long history of being verbally abusive to certain people, and never apologizes or accepts responsibility for his actions.

I was taken quite aback and don't know what to do. I kind of feel like the writing is on the wall and I should just stay away. I am open to talking to him,if he makes the first move. I am angry, hurt, frustrated and don't feel like crawling back to him.

I have let my family members know of the situation, and my brother who lives 25 minutes away, has stepped in to help my dad.

I don't really know how to live with this, plus the ripple effect is huge. I have 3 sons, 2 daughters-in-law and 5 grandchildren.

That is what is happen with Caregiving in my life.

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Rude Before Growing Worse
by: Anonymous

My dad has always been critical and harsh in his comments. He is now 78 and his impluse is growing worse.

I am not a care giver yet - my parents are active and doing well so far but visits are becoming hard - the criticism and dark outlook gets hard to take.

Recently my bother who has always gotten the worst of the critical remarks -told me stories of a recent visit that make me nervous to visit myself. My brother was told not to visit for the holidays. Is there medication that can help - is this the first signs of dementia or the same crappy personality amplified by age?

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Why do we Get so Burdened
by: Marie

Thanks for your comment,about my dad.
It is very depressing being treated so nastily. I am glad that you are looking into a home for your mom.

I am trying to continue forward, but I feel like I have a huge weight dragging with me.
Your mom will probably be super angry that she is going into a home.

Children who are there to help their parents need their own mental and physical wellness.

I also feel like we can only help so much before the situation turns to a mental abuse situation.
I wish you the best in helping your mom. She is VERY blessed to have you in her life.

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Been there
by: Daughter is trying

Hi, I too have been helping with my mother for over 2 years.

It messes with my head when she is rude to me.

I have been told to just get out so many times. Each time I feel like a bucket of cold water is thrown at me.

I usually absorb the bad feelings and continue to be helpful, and soon she is back to her normal cranky but not hostile state.

Yesterday, it got so bad because I just couldn't stand it anymore and I felt so trapped.

I am moving the process forward to place her in a senior home. Which makes me feel even worse.

Great options right, feeling bad or worse.

Just wanted to let you know I have a rude parent also.

Best of luck!

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