Most of us have probably reached the toenail stage. One day you happen to get a glance of those bare feet and you're appalled. How do those toenails even fit in the shoe and how is she still able to walk??
So, you gently tell mom she needs to go in and have those nails professionally groomed by a doctor and thus starts the argument. For six months, I cajoled, begged, pleaded, threatened, reasoned with mom why those nails needed to be cut and she argued against me every time that she could do it herself, that she hated anyone touching her feet, and it was ridiculous to go to a doctor to have it done.
Every month I watched them get thicker, longer, more curled. I knew if she didn't go in, there would be worse consequences, like toenails growing into the skin, infections, and guess who would have to put the medication on the feet everyday!!!
I finally got a recommendation from a friend and made mom an appointment and I didn't tell her until the day before the appointment so that the arguing would be at a minimum. I told her she was going, I took her in, and then, just like that it was done.
That was bad enough but what was just as bad was the lack of support I got from friends and family. I even sent my brother pictures of moms toes and he said yeah, that's bad.
I vented to friends
the whole six months about how stubborn mom was and they said, yeah, that's stubborn.
When it was finally done and I told my friends and brother, they said, well, that's good, now it's done.
Last night I felt so despondent that getting those stupid toenails cut took so much of my time and energy, and now it was simply done just because mom decided she would go.
This is the crux of our dilemma as caregivers. NOBODY GETS IT!!! We are so alone in our struggles and battles. After six months of frustration and anger trying to get this done, it's just over, and you have to just move on to the next battle.
The worse thing about caring for a parent is that, unless someone else is doing the same thing, they just have no idea what we go through and you end up feeling so alone in it.
Late last night at the end of that day, I went to this boomer site and found so many encouraging messages, that I actually was able to sleep and I woke up feeling better this morning.
The people on this forum are my best support group. I've been writing here for five years and this is the only place of true understanding that I've ever encountered in all that time. I can say anything and I'm never judged.
Thanks for taking the time to write your stories. You have no idea how much you may be helping someone else.