Comments for To Move Closer or Move my mom

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Enlist the help of the doctor(s)
by: Anonymous

When my mom (88 and legally blind) needed to be in an assisted living because she just about did me in (literally) her doctors recognized the situation and recommended assisted living by saying she had to be there or Medicare wouldn't pay for her last hospital visit(10 days) and subsequent rehab. that was about two years ago.

Now she complains that I'm making her stay there but I just can't physically or mentally take care of her any more. We've had conversations in which I tell her she can go home with other caregivers but refuses to do so.

The doctors tell her she is where she needs to be. Maybe you need to talk to your mo's doctors and see what they think about mom being on her own. Mom might listen to them over you.

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Update -Visit not move
by: Shaunice

So here is an update. Mom said that she would visit but is adamant about not moving. She is in her early 60s. The results of the stroke from 04 left her with limited motion on one side.

I am having someone to come in and help since a facility is not an option, nor was I considering it.

She came with me to visit and I’m trying to get some grief counseling and a few other things but I’m running into the question of is she going to be here or going back.

There is nothing for her to go back to but memories. For the most part, she has her mind but is limited physically. Who makes the decision about if she goes back or not?

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To Move
by: steve

If I were you, personally I would move your Mom. You sound as if your life is well rooted and your job and family and friends are near you, that is where you should stay.

Once your mom is settled in and a routine established, things should sail smoothly from there. As long as she is comfortable and cared for, that should be more than she can hope for!

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resentment
by: Greenacres

All I can tell you is my experience with my family and in-law family and what I have personally experienced. YES there WILL be resentment.

If you want details, just ask. Think about it and remember your life too, don't lose yourself. There will be repercussions that you could never possibly thought could happen with mom and siblings. It is a nightmare for me and very hard to let go.

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Don't uproot
by: Bittersweet

Either way there will be resentment, she will resent you or you will resent her. But I urge you NOT to give up your home, job, your friends and uproot your family. Move Mom in with you and make her as welcome and comfortable as possible. She'll get over it. You're doing more than enough by taking her in, you shouldn't have to make ALL the sacrifices.

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that's a very hard situation
by: Anonymous

I understand your mom's desire not to move or be in an assisted living. You don't say how old she is or what her other health issues are and whether she could remain in her home with in-home care since she doesn't want to be in an assisted living. You said that your "family, job, life are in the other state".

Are you really prepared to give all that up? I understand you want to help your mom, but you have to consider a balance of potentially losing your future to her current needs. I agree with another comment posted - there needs to be quite a bit of discussion and thought before anything is done.

I've given up so much for my mom over the years - in some ways I'm happy that I did but at the same time I truly wish I'd thought through the consequences of what I was doing then for my future. I would have handled things somewhat differently, as I can honestly say I do have some regrets....

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Great but very tough question
by: Anonymous

Setting expectations is a rough task....sounds as if you have some discussions ahead of you...the reality of these type situations can only be realized through frank talks and blunt thought processes.

Sounds to me that even if you did move her closer to where you live, you may not be able to do all of the tasks necessary for adequate care....could it be that your work/life balance may be at risk?

Take some time to think it over and try to care for her there for a few days then ask yourself if you could do this while working and having a life...could be the only option is assisted living...IMHO

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