Tired of Uninvolved Sibling's Yuppie Mentality

I agree with the woman who said all she sees is her sibling's back or hears, "Put her in a home".

That is what I'm dealing with in my own family with my one and only lovely uninvolved yuppie sibling who is too busy trying to maintain her yuppie life to be bothered helping me with Mom.

That is the "yuppie" mentality that is so prevalent today. The mentality that if we just PAY for enough services then Mom or Dad are being "properly" cared for. That we are too BUSY with our own yuppie professional level careers or training for triathlons or making sure our precious progeny gets straight A's and excels in tennis so they can get into Harvard, so why should we have to get our hands dirty doing Mom's laundry or mowing her lawn or making sure she has some nutritious food to eat.

The mentality that says why should I cook for Mom when I can just PAY for Meals on Wheels to be delivered? Why should I go over and help Mom get a bath when I can just PAY to get an aide to come in and bathe her? Why should I mow Mom's grass when I can just PAY to have landscaping services come and do it? Why should I run around getting Mom food or medications when Mom can just PAY her way into assisted living with beautiful landscaping outside and lots of pottery classes and social activities (as if it is going to make her feel any better when she is taking pottery classes!).

I am so tired of this yuppie, pay-for-services mentality. First of all, why shouldn't an adult child help out the parent? Would it be so difficult to cook up a couple of extra portions of food every week so Mom or Dad has something nutritious to eat instead of getting Meals on Wheels?

Doesn't it strike anyone how COLD and INDIFFERENT that attitude is? That if we just PAY for everything, then our duty is done, our parent is properly cared for? How about showing some REAL love, attention, and concern for someone who is a flesh and blood, alive, breathing human being, rather than taking care of 4 stupid greyhound dogs who poop and pee all over the carpets and 2 bratty kids who can't even wash the dinner dishes and smoke grass behind your back?

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Meals On Wheels a Godsend
by: Anonymous

I've been fortunate enough to have Meals On Wheels deliver lunches to an elderly parent. They were nutritious and well-prepared and delivered by volunteer drivers.

I truly don't mean to be rude or unkind, but when your resentment of your sister is so acute it can lead you to disparage an organization that's a godsend to I have no idea how many elderly people and their caretakers, it's gone much too far. So much too far that I think you might want to consider the possibility that what you really resent is that your sister can pay for services but you can't.


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Sometimes Elders Reap what They Sowed
by: Anonymous

My 80 year old mother is now starting to say she wants me to take care of her when Dad dies, she wants to move in with my family. Really? Gee mom, what about when you just HAD to work and instead of a mom at home to talk about my day, I had a house key hidden under a rock in the front yard, and a list of chores to do? And that was for 13 years, from kindergarten through high school?

You didn't work because we needed money; Dad made plenty. You worked because you told me you would have "gone crazy" if you had to stay home and care for your family! Working paid for your clothes horse habit! Tables have turned now. I'll make sure you're in a safe nursing home. But I'll give you as much quality time as you gave me. Remember when I was 12 and my broken leg in a cast? You dumped me off at school to sit in the school office every day at 7 a.m. every day, an hour and a half before school started. And to get home, I had to beg friends' mothers for rides (embarrassing, and they resented that YOU never reciprocated because of your so-important job!) or walk home on crutches.

The week I moved out and went away to college, you hired a maid! Why was that, mom? Could it be because I wasn't there anymore to tackle the long list of cleaning chores you left me every day? You enjoy your nursing home, mother. You'll never, ever live with me. You're just trying to make me your maid again.

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Services are Great
by: Anonymous

I gave up a well paying job to come and care for my mom out in the middle of the woods. It has been very hard to maintain my professional status being here. I understand why folks with homes, families and careers are not willing to give them up.

Transport vans and meals on wheels are great organizations and can relieve some of the duties of caring for an elderly parent and can allow you to do more fun things with your parent.

I miss my job and the lack of money at this point is very stressful. I say use all the services you can so that you do not become overwhelmed with a parent. They raise us to be independent and parents should be too. I say use the services and spend some great time at a movie or church with your parent. Not cooking and mowing the lawn.

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