Tired of Dealing with Bed-Ridden Dementia Grandfather and Abusive Brother

I am 25 years old and my 36 year old brother and I are the live-in caregivers to my two elderly grandparents with dementia. Grandma is still able to get around okay but needs assistance with bathing, grooming, etc.

Grandpa is in the moderate-severe stage – he is on a pureed food/thickened liquids diet due to swallowing issues and has been having severe back pain due to a mild compression fracture in his spine.

He receives a steroid shot every couple of months; however his pain comes back sooner before his next shot is due.

At this point, he is pretty much bed-ridden due to severe pain; yells at us when we try to turn him or get him out of bed; is mostly dead weight and will not assist us in any way.

My brother gets impatient easily and only gives the minimum amount of care they need at his convenience. I ask him to help me get grandpa out of bed – he comes storming in, yanks grandpa and just drags him to the bathroom all while grandpa is yelping in pain. He just lets grandpa sit in his chair all day and does not take him to the restroom because he does not want to deal with it.

Last night, I asked my brother to give grampa a bath – his is being rough/impatient with him; curses at him, etc. I had had enough and lashed out at him because I am sick of his abuse of grandpa. I work full time as a nurse and also go to school – however I help out with the grandparents on my days off.

He does not work or go to school and plays video games all day. My grandpa is not getting the care he needs and it’s not fair for me to do everything my brother is not doing while he just plays games all day.

This has taken a toll on our relationship and my sanity.

I desperately want to move out and live my own life, but stay because I feel obligated. We do have a speech therapist, occupational therapist, physical therapist, and home health aide come in but it is only for 30 minutes.

I feel grandpa needs to be placed in a nursing home at this point, but my mother is POA and wants to keep him at home (even though she never helps out with the hands-on care). I am sad and depressed every day and just wish I didn’t have to deal with this anymore.

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