Tired & Doubtful

I took care of my mom with cancer for a year on my own when I was 27 and she was 55 and then she died. That was very hard and I thought I was "done" with caregiving for a while.

My husband, father in law, and I bought a house together (long story short, his mom had undiagnosed dementia and served FIL with divorce papers and they had to sell the house and business and he retired early).

He was very active the first 6 months living with us (he's currently 77), then became less active last year...but 100% independent. Fast forward a year and he fell in March. He needed 100% care that we provided to him 24 hrs a day for about a month.

It's July and luckily I'm off for summer for work or I'd be out of luck caring for him. Husband avoids taking care of him to avoid fights. Pretty much I care for him day and night, everything from wiping his butt to cooking to adjusting the heat or air 20 times an hour.

I'm 35 and trying to get pregnant. I'm afraid of being too stressed, miscarrying, lifting, or whatever. I desperately want to have kids before it's too late since my mom had early menopause.

I'm so stressed. My husband's an only child. We're going to look into a home nurse soon when I go back to work. I feel so selfish.

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I'm a husband by the way
by: Anonymous

Guilty? You feel guilty? I'm sorry but what am I reading here. You are taking care of your father in law and your husband doesn't want to have anything to do with him because he doesn't want to fight? You are a superwoman!

No offense to your husband, I'm sure he's a great guy but you are going above, above and beyond. I feel bad for all of you but you my friend are being taken advantage of.

It's hard to do; trust me I know firsthand but you have to slowly put the guilt away and stand up for yourself before you have a heart attack. Guilt is the last thing you should be feeling. I would be raging!!

Good luck and God Bless. I truly hope everything works out for you.

You are not selfish.
by: Elly

You are not being selfish. Caregiving is much harder than people realize. It is one of those things that you cannot fully comprehend unless you do it. Can your husband not find a way to do his share without fighting?

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