Time Keeps on Slipping, Slipping, Slipping Into the Future...

Taking care of mom is hard enough in itself, but it’s putting my life on hold that bothers me the most. I’m not married, but I’m not single. I have someone waiting for me 300 miles away that I’m lucky to see twice a year. Only when my brother comes from out of state am I able to get away.

My partner also cares for an elderly parent, thus is also trapped unless someone volunteers to step in. This is my life that no one acknowledges. I moved in with mom when she was 90. She is now 98. They all tell me how “awesome” I am for taking care of mom.

I hate that word now. Not once have they ever talked about the 8-and-counting missed years of my life. They just assume that this is my life, as if by choice. In the meantime, my partner and I have aged 8 years!

Imagine what we are missing out on. This is the part they don’t get. This is the part that depresses me the most. The fact that they don’t see me as a person who has another life I’m waiting to live. How can they not see me in all this??

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I feel the same way
by: Daughter is trying

Hi! I also have been taking care of my mom for 8 years! And I also have a partner who has unwillingly been dragged into this life on hold.

When I ask myself why other people abandon me in this, I think other people secretly feel: BETTER YOU THAN ME, and run the other way.

Also my only help is from a brother out of state who comes for a couple of days a few times a year. Usually when he comes, there is a big fight as he always manages to stress me out even more and say something insulting. He also goes on about how difficult it is for him to spare the time.

He is the only person who is any help. My mother is so difficult and resistant to care.

If I don't attend to her, it is sad and pathetic to see the miserable state she gets in. I feel so sorry for her and I love her. But boy have I screwed myself for I will likely have no one, and no money, to help me, when I get older, which is now rapidly coming on.

When I started this, I felt young, strong and invincible.

Now I am exhausted, and only have hope and a prayer for my future.

Not only are my boyfriend and I giving up the last somewhat youthful years of our lives , but I am also now financially at rock bottom. Future plans nonexistent I. have aged myself, gained 25 pounds, gotten numerous illness from being exposed to hospitals, social life over,

The herculean task of keeping my mother alive and in some semblance of a happy, dignified life, has been exhausting, overwhelming and I drag myself through it all, day by day, just keeping both our heads above water,

I don't see any other ways to get through this. Nobody else wants to give up their time to help. I cant imagine trying to figure out a way of getting someone to volunteer their time to do what is needed to look after her if I was to take a break of any length of time.

Who is going to help toilet an incontinent demented woman? I have her care covered 20 hours a day, I do 4 hours. And the pages on the calendar keep turning, like you said.

However, In the end, I am grateful for many things and I know this is the right thing to do.

Good luck to you.

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