Three Materialistic/Addicted, Unrealistic Old Parents

by Gen-X-er, Boomer Siblings

Nine years ago my father died quickly at age 82 after refusing to take Cumedin. One moment he was working in the yard, the next he was down and gone very soon after. I miss him. His exit is the kind my husband and I both want. He went with choice, dignity.

My mother is 89, refuses to move out of her filthy hoarder house. If I or any of my older siblings encourage change or try to reason with her she either lashes out in anger or isolates herself, stops answering the phone, etc.

She’s a bigot, paranoid, illogical, with diminished intelligence yet not to the point of being declared incompetent since she still feeds and cleans herself.

Had she not inherited a million or two she would’ve been a bag lady. She did nothing to take care of her aging parents (my aunt did), never worked after 1958, ran a squalid, neglectful home for us kids (me especially being the youngest) waltz into a fortune and as is her right, is spending it down.

My dear brother who lives closest to her spent years going to her house every weekend to clean, organize, straighten out her finances. She took him for granted and demonstrates caring more about junk than family.

He’s thrown up his hands up and has encouraged us to follow suit. We do what we can but she’s difficult, crazy and wants to do things her way, as always. Jeanette Walls’ The Glass Castle had familiar themes for me.

has no concept of personal responsibility as generational wealth has buffered her from the consequences of bad decisions. Longevity is in the genes so she’ll likely live to 100.

My husband’s parents? Both are 81, diabetic alcoholics. Father-in-law is 400-500 lbs, blind, has his mental capacity and is making strides to be more gentle on his sons (there were difficult years but it’s better now).

My mother-in-law isn’t obese but is not at all compliant with diet: on dialysis, diabetic, high cholesterol.

The two have ignored all encouragement from their sons to either downsize, go into assisted living or get health care workers in to help at home and to appointments.

They have plenty of money but see more value in spending on material things rather than properly carrying out the plan to "age in place". I feel bad for my husband and brother-in-law as their parents live in-between and dwell in indecisiveness: self-destructive choices yet relying on modern medicine to keep them going.

My husband and I talk about not wanting to live too long, euthanasia/assisted suicide or offing ourselves in some way when we’re old. How’s that for parental influence?

Final note: Never judge people for choosing not to have kids. You don’t know what kind of childhood they experienced. Having the self awareness to know you lack skills and role models is an unrecognized gift to children, society, the world. The best thing I did for my potential children is not bring them into my emotionally frail orbit and our family circuses.

Comments for Three Materialistic/Addicted, Unrealistic Old Parents

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Someone to talk to
by: Rhonda

I feel your frustration with parents and on laws not doing what's best! I used to not understand how a family could let their parent live in squalor!! UNTIL we tried to help my husband's mom

She lived as a hoarder, had no clean water yada yada. We tried to get her to move and she refused!! When she became ilk and hospitalized, I took the opportunity to express our concerns to social services.

The indeed inspected the house and stated she had every right to choose to live this way!!! No more "judgements"from me!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Caregiver Stress.

Share this page:
Enjoy this page? Please pay it forward. Here's how...

Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it?

  1. Click on the HTML link code below.
  2. Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable.

Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2019 | All Rights Reserved

Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. Ugh!!

    Dec 28, 20 12:21 PM

    So I lost my mom 18 months ago. After her passing I would come to my parents house to clean and cook a couple of times a week for my dad. He still gets

    Read More

  2. 16yrs of Elderly care with NO HELP

    Dec 28, 20 12:18 PM

    I came back home in 2004 to help my dad as he had cancer, he eventually passed away few years later. Well here I am am in 2020 still at home taking care

    Read More

  3. I'm fed up

    Jul 22, 20 01:11 PM

    Hi I'm 20 years old and i live with my mother and sister. My sister is 18 and she works at our local grocery store and is usually doing her own thing.

    Read More