This was the Last Straw !

by FT
(England)

Wrote on this site a few times already....

But today I really have to get something out of my system!
My mother still wants to rule our lives (me 54 and my daughter 27). She moans and groans all day long about this that and the other. She should be happy she can live with us.

I have only a small flat with one bedroom for my daughter and one for me. Mother has to sleep in living room. What can I do I cannot afford any thing bigger or more expensive. I have an older sister but she does not do anything except saying mother should have a room of herself, etc... But, she comes and see her only once in a while, she does not know what we are going through every day with mother.

I have tried to talk to her about it, but then she rings up my mother telling her we are in the wrong, we should be nicer to mother, and putting me down. My sister really does not want to understand what we are going through as she does not seem to WANT to understand.

Today, I said to mother my friend (male 67 self employed with holiday apartments - and we know each other for 10 years ) was coming to
see our new baby cat. Mother does not really like my male friend and she said you can go down (in the lobby) and show him...NASTY she is so nasty!

I don't feel any thing any more for my mother (cannot kiss her or be nice to her ) I had enough. She has been living with us since dad died in 1987. I don't know how I coped all these years, but now I really want out.... I want to go and live by myself - When I tell my problem to people, they give me advice, but no one helps...

I cannot take it any more ! Please give me advise (there is lot more to this story but too long to write. Can give more explanation if someone is interested. But me, I cannot cope any more, neither can my daughter, we need freedom...Relax and being just mother and daughter. We never had that as mother always been nagging, and ruling....Help !

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Thanks
by: Anonymous

Thanks anonymous...I feel just that little better now! Going to see social services on Tuesday.

If mother knew .... wow I would get another mouth full...so difficult at some moments. She hurts me morally as she always says to my daughter that I am not nice to her. I am or at least I try to be.

I do every thing for her...I cannot do any more.

Now she does not like my daughter 28 to go out with me , as then she is alone....but we need a life and I cannot take it any more.

My sister instead of helping us she just stares "the S...! ". Either we find a solution for mother or me and my daughter will run away. And then ...what ever happens happens. I will not care any more.
We will be free at last!

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by: Anonymous

Go to your local Area on Aging and see what options are available to your mother. Assisted Living, Elder apartments, etc. See if she qualifies for any Senior Programs or Home Health.

I applaud you for doing this for so many years. We do the best we can for as long as we can. But, there may come a time when we just 'can't do it anymore.' You don't need to make excuses or give anyone a reason.

Find out what can be done and then do it. Just because she moves out of your apt. does not mean you will no longer care. You may be angry or sad now, but if an emergency arose - you would gladly visit. You would still be caring. But just not the 24/7 kind of caring.

You and your mother may both be happier.

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