This is Getting to be Too Much

by Jane
(Chigaco, IL)

I wish I would have known or done some research many years ago to know this may happen in the future.

Dad is 87 years old, in fairly good health and can "kind of" get around although anymore he is needing more and more watching.

He is of the belief that I should be the one to step up and provide all that is required. We have talked about this many times and he reverts back to the "farm days" when family and neighbors stepped in to help when these things occur.

Well, we are not on the farm anymore raising corn, cows and soybeans, we are "in town" and there is no one to step in to help unless it is paid help. The cost is, to me, WAY TOO MUCH to be able to care for him correctly....we have part time helpers to come in for just after breakfast until just before dinner but at $20-25 dollars an hour he (and we) will be broke if this continues.

I have no way out as I have to work as does my husband but it is getting to the point where the monthly expense keeps growing and growing...not only for his daily companion/helper but for medication and Doctors' appointments etc.

My husband has said I am going to have to quit my job soon as it may work out cheaper to stay at home and with Dad who is a few minutes away. I really do not want to quit my job as I like it a lot.

Thank you for reading this and I am glad I found this site as there are a lot of others that seem to be having to go through this.

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Too much?
by: Anonymous

Times have changed so much and maybe your dad's expectations are unrealistic? I wonder if he was a caregiver at some point and if he has any experience of what you are trying to do?

There are no easy answers but maybe you need to think about the basics. Is he in his own home? Is that the best place? Is there 'sheltered accommodation available locally? Can you get other family members to help out on a rotation basis?

Giving up a job you love sounds like an absolute last resort, this is still your life and you have a right to take pleasure in it. Ask for help in your family, friends and community, don't try to cope alone or you may destroy your relationships and be left with only bitterness. Take care of yourself.

Lucky Me
by: Anonymous

You sound like where I am at. Except it is my Mom. She fights with the fact that I need to get her help. She wants me to do it for her.

If I do I also will have to quit my job, to do all she would like me to do. I have a brother and sister who live quite far away and really don't want the responsibility. Well neither do I. But, I have been the one chosen. Lucky me.

Hear You
by: Anonymous

Your concerns and fears are certainly understandable! My brother and I have been
doing this for longer than I can remember now (it's a good thing I did not know at the time how long I would be a caregiver).

Is your dad a veteran? Veteran benefits are available to some veterans (I think they only had to serve one day of wartime service to qualify).

It could mean some extra money to help out.

The cost IS overwhelming, we had to sell mom's house (with her permission) in order to pay for care to help us.

I too hope you do not have to quit the job that you like. Let us know what happens so we all can support you.
m, santa rosa

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