This has Become My Life!
I'm married, 41 with two kids! After my father was the primary caretaker for his parents, my grandparents for twelve years, Gram passed in December, my grandfather has become very depressed and lonely. He called me and asked me if my husband and I would move our family in with him because dad only comes to see him two nights a weeks. After careful thought out long decisions, we decided to move in and take over his care. Which means transferring our kids, 16 and 11 into a new school.
He's always been a mean hard grumpy man and everyone always said that after my grandma passed away he would be alone and no one would come here because of how miserable he is. There were times in my life when I came to visit and because of him I got up and walked right out the door.
I thought I could handle him. We have been in this house for one month and I regret this every single day. I have become very depressed I don't feel like myself anymore.
I cannot do anything right at all. He does not say please or thank you he is very demanding. He talks about everybody the minute they walk out the door. No one has ever said F you to me as much as he has this past month. He is very much a creature of habit he is very unwilling to bend to the way that I do things. He will scream at me for using the wrong pot to cook macaroni in, but if he realizes that my husband is in the next room he will immediately start to cry and tell him not to believe me I'm lying he didn't say those things!
He even puts his hands up and says God make me go blind if I said that - I don't have to tell my husband one word he heard everything - but grandpa sure knows where he didn't say!
He tells me that my kids are assholes with their heads shoved up their ass which really means that he wants them to wash the dishes so that I could just sit there and watch game show network with him all day long.
All day he is a tyrant clicking his tongue in disgust complaining that my gravy is too thin or too thick. He has false teeth but he won't wear them so everything I cook has to be mushy. He yells at me for cooking too much but he doesn't realize still he's not just one person we are now five.
He gets up every morning and he makes his own coffee and his own breakfast and he checks his sugar - he does not ask me for any help he can get dressed by himself,but then when people come to visit he plays on their pity and even changes his voice still a very soft victim and carries on about how I don't do enough to help him.
He tells people that he cannot lift his legs to get in bed at night, but yet when no one's here he makes it his business to take a long walk down the driveway to get the mail every day.
Every night at 8 o'clock on the dot he starts carrying on about how he doesn't want to live no one should have to live to be 95 why did Grandma have to die first he says he wants to be in the ground he wants to be buried and then he mumbles that he can't believe he has to live this way. The more I point out that he's doing great the angrier he becomes he actually wants to be in the hospital!
My father has washed his hands of this whole situation - He told me that this was my rodeo now and he won't even take him to a single doctor appointment or come and sit with him
so I could run out with my kids.
He said he was mean to me my whole life it's your turn now ! I am my father's only child and he has dumped the responsibility of caring for his father on me! That has added to Grandpops depression and he cries to every single doctor nurse family member that will listen to him that my father has disowned him.
The other night he hit the button on his wrist that is direct call to the paramedics- they were here for a half hour asking him if he was positive that he wanted to go to the hospital because there is nothing wrong.
He wanted to go so as soon as they strapped him onto the gurney he said to me now, call my son. He said let's see if he has any feelings for me! And then he directed me to pack him a bag including his shaving cream because he said that he looked like a bear !!
I have never seen anyone actually want to be in the hospital I don't understand this!!
He is either a grumpy screaming lunatic or a crying little victim who doesn't want to live. My father has told me over the years that taken care of him was going to kill him.
I totally understand what he's talking about now.
It's very draining mentally and physically being in constant hostility in a negative environment where you are constantly getting ragged on.
We have to eat breakfast at exactly 630 we have to eat lunch 12 o'clock on the dot and dinner is at 5 o'clock on the dot no matter what even if you are not hungry you have to eat by the clock.
My family does not operate that way and he gets very angry and annoyed if all four of us do not sit down at the table and eat exactly when he does. My daughter has a job my husband works and gets done at all different times.
He is desperately trying to play us all against each other and start a lot of trouble does anyone else live with a troublemaker ???
I am so baffled by this because he has turn this all around - I uprooted my entire family and gave up a house that I loved in a community that I love to come and take care of him but now he thinks he's helping me by letting me stay here As Chicago has mentioned above !! It is the most bizarre thing!
I would also like to add that he does not have dementia or Alzheimer's disease- he has been this way his entire life and it's getting worse now!
I am very very thankful to have found this group I too found it today when I search depression in 95-year-old men!
I don't mind doing all the cooking and the cleaning and washing dishes and doing the laundry but what I need is another person to be here to talk to ! Thankfully I have a lot of friends who come and visit throughout the day- I would compare this to the early days when I was a young mother stuck in the house with toddlers.
He's like an overgrown toddler throwing temper tantrum's all day long - he has checked his walker straight across the living room , he has thrown it down on its side , he slams cups, and he's always taking these long dramatic aggravated Breaths.
He can't directly tell you why he's mad or what is so bad other than he's just mad that he is still alive.
I am disabled myself I have brain tumors and spinal cord tumor's that are not cancerous but I will be on chemo for the rest of my life and I find it very insulting that someone in such good health who lives such a long life doesn't want to live when I fight to live every single day