There's Nothing Wrong with Her, It's all Us

by D. Gibbs
(Ontario)

I am really trying to be patient but sometimes I admit I do blow up. I understand there is fear, anxiety and frustration when aging, the body goes making everyday tasks painful and difficult, the mind slows down making it harder to understand, the hearing goes making it a struggle to follow along or stay in a conversation but OH BOY old people will push you to levels that a human being just can't contain! My mother lives with us and yes I did it because morally it's the right thing to do, but is it really?


One year later I am thinking maybe a small senior apartment would be best. The level of denial in her behavior that contributes to the discord in our home is even more frustrating to digest. I have enrolled her with a family councilor to help us get through to her, she comes out of her sessions with an understanding that maybe she could change some of her annoying ways but once home and comfortable again a few days from her therapy here comes the same behaviours.

I love my mother but to be honest everyday the whining, bitching, nagging, criticizing, repeating herself over and over again, the judging, bossy, and her need to control, she questions everything, involves herself in everyone's business, complaining, oh and the temper tantrums!

When she can't hear she blames us saying we never told her something. It's all us, she is just misunderstood, ARG! I am losing that warm fuzzy morally obligated feeling, I take things day by day now but I don't know for how long, I am considering buying a home in which she has her own fully contained in-law suite separate from my area as opposed to the room she has across from my master bedroom now.

The last resort would be finding her a small senior apartment near by that I can come and check on her. Is anyone else out there feeling like this or am I a bad daughter?

Comments for There's Nothing Wrong with Her, It's all Us

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
time to release the guilt
by: Anonymous

You know what your not being selfish, the reality is when people age they change and not for the better, they just become to incompatible to reside with other's.

I want to be clear it is not the their fault, aging affects everything body mind and soul, but the toll on care givers and family is to much to deal with. My mother is also a neurotic personality to add to her decline, I deal with mood swings, screaming, outbursts daily, my family is either hiding in their rooms or leaving the house more then they should just to find peace, that's not acceptable.

I am all for helping family but when the family has to hide in their own home because of one, it's time the senior in your life needs their own space even if they don't think so, after you have tried everything then move on guilt free.

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
There's nothing wrong with her..
by: Anonymous

Boy can I relate to what you're saying.

My mom was in a senior apt. for 5 years and I was helping her out a few days a week. She seemed frail and was having some difficulty doing things, so we invited her to live with us. What a mistake that turned out to be.

She is always with us (hubby and I). We made a nice room for her with a big TV and all of her books etc. but does she ever go in there to read or watch TV, nope.

She stays with us 10 or more hours a day. Wherever I go, she's there.

The only time I have a moment to myself is in the bathroom, or when I'm sleeping.

I want my life back. I don't want to be joined at the hip with her. Yes it sounds terribly selfish, but she is making me miserable. In the meantime my siblings are going along with their lives not having to deal with any of this.
I am hoping to get her into assisted living at some point.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Communication with Elderly Parents.


Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2018 | All Rights Reserved


Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. I Want Out

    Oct 17, 18 03:21 PM

    I'm a 63 year old woman on SSDI. My whole life changed 8 years ago when my body decided 20 years of factory work was enough. I lost my home before I was

    Read More

  2. So Hard

    Oct 12, 18 02:19 PM

    My dad was begrudgingly my mom’s caregiver (she has MS). Then he got sick and needed care too. I have 2 sisters that live within a half mile of them, have

    Read More

  3. Yes, You Bet I'm Resentful

    Oct 08, 18 02:59 PM

    When we moved my 85 year old mother in with us almost a year ago it was because she was having problems taking care of her apt. She was having problems

    Read More