The Single and Only Daughter

by Gayle
(Chicago, IL)

My father died seven years ago and my mother is currently living alone in our family home. She's 84 years old. She is very capable of taking care of herself, and I help financially and otherwise because she's very poor and lives on nothing but Social Security.

My older brother lives less than 40 miles away. He fights with my mother whenever she needs help. He is quite capable of helping, but deeply resents having to do anything for her. He and I have had huge arguments because of his ill treatment of our mother and he has nearly hit me in anger during such arguments.

The trouble comes when the older brother is sort of needed - I can't always get hired people to do things for us. The older gets the "guilts" sometimes and tries to come in to do favors for us, but it generally winds up with his anger erupting, his behavior can often drive him to destroy or damage something, and his work is generally very shoddy and haphazard because he wants to finish as quickly as possible and get away from Mom.

He hates her because she spoiled him terribly when he was a child and he blames her for everything bad that has ever happened in his life. He is 62. My younger brother (44) lives 1,800 miles away and has been told by his psychologist that his obligations to his family are no longer important because he has a wife and child.

He has limited contact with us and offers to help financially, but has never followed through. I make decent money, and I don't mind helping my mother, although I am busy with my own job and house and it can get stressful. That's about it.