The Saga With Pops Continues

by Claudia
(Roseburg)

I wrote about my Dad wanting to put our mom in a home after 46 years of marriage. She has Parkinson's with dementia pretty bad now. He held a meeting with us grown kids informing us of his plans and then had the nerve to introduce us to his "Flame" on the side.


Since then, he has placed Mom in the home and boxed up and liquidated all of their stuff. This new woman has moved right in complete with her and her two teenaged children and it really looks as if she's found her Sugar Daddy!

My Dad spoke briefly to my brother about getting a divorce so he can "move on with his life". My brother has actually encouraged him and I found out that the reason he is being so supportive is being in charge of my parents "Will". He's fool enough to believe that my Dad won't end up spending it all on this new floozy he has in his life.

Pops has gone out and bought a VERY Expensive ring for her and is acting like some sort of lovesick teenager! He hasn't visited my Mom even once since his excuse now is that its just too painful for him to see her! Doesn't he really mean he feels Too Guilty?

I am so very angry and hurt by my Pops actions that I can't bring myself to even return his phone calls. He keeps saying that its HIS TURN NOW to live a life.

What happened to the man we used to call Dad? This floozy he is with is almost the same age as we are and he is clearly in lust with her. I can't believe what a fool he is believing she is really in love with him.

My offer to take Mom into my home fell on deaf ears and now I go visit her each evening when I get off work so I can share a meal with her. I feel so bad for her and how he has abandoned her in her hour of need.

My other sister is concerned for my Dad saying this woman is a black widow and he is the third "older man" she has become involved with so quickly. At this point i told her she can handle that end as I'm not concerned about him, my concern is with my Mom right now.

Just not sure what to do at this point.

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Thanks to Leasa and Anonymous
by: Claudia

Just a simple thank you to the kind words and helpful suggestions from both of you. I will do my very best to keep trying and concentrate on what is positive in my life right now.
Blessings to you both.

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when parents act like jerks...
by: Anonymous

Hi there,
I read your first post about this too. It is clear that you are really, really hurting over this whole thing and I understand where those feelings are coming from. it's okay to be angry at your Dad right now - take your time and work through your emotions.

Things to be thankful for: you have siblings who are involved, your Dad is healthy, you can still see your mom, you still have your sanity/time and do not have to give up your life to care for anyone at this point.

Can I ask you what your mom feels and says about this situation? Do the doctors have any indication on how much longer she will be here with us? is she so far gone that she doesn't realize quite what is happening to her?

There is a lot going on, and emotions are very high. I can see why you would be exploding with anger about the way your Dad has seemingly thrown your mother aside and how he has taken up with this other woman so completely and quickly.

Perhaps one way to let the anger go a little is to try and understand that your Dad's weakness is his flaw to deal with, and that as disappointed as you are you will not change him or make him do as you wish he would do. I am not saying that you ought to welcome this new woman and have them all over for dinner or anything like that, but for your own sake maybe you can more or less ignore that part of it?

it is awful when someone we love so utterly lets us down. Still, you are doing what you can do, you are keeping your feet on the ground and visiting your mother when you can. You are honoring her in your actions.

I wish I had a better answer. Your Dad does sound like he's acting like a spoiled brat right now - as I said this is his flaw, his mistake, his error. He's only human after all, and as you are taking care of your mom in her weakness perhaps you can see that your Dad is fragile too albeit in a whole different way?

just some thoughts. big hugs to you!

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Trust your sister.
by: Leasa

What can you do? You are doing it. As I have told you in your first letter, I do believe that the loneliness your dad suffered made him very wide open for scams and he is so vulnerable. Loneliness can do awful things to your brain.

I don't think it is such a case of lust as it is a deep need for companionship and a mate to go through his senior years with. He lost your mother a long, long time ago. Some day I hope you can reach out to your dad as well and try to understand what it was he went through.

Perhaps he in his heart grieved for your mother for a long time and to him, she is gone. Now there is a huge risk that your dad will end up penniless and homeless in the near future, or end up very sick and abused.

Your mom is being cared for, don't feel pity for her as she is at the point where her feelings can't be hurt. She can't feel loss of someone she no longer knows. Even if your dad did go and see her, she would just look at him with the eyes of a stranger and wonder why that man is in her room. Simple surviving is her reality now.

Just remember to live a life for yourself. Look for happiness where ever you can find it. Be kind to yourself and throw the hurt feelings away.

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