The Elderly, Angry Parent

by Kathleen
(Denver, Colorado)

I am one of the 'parents' of whom you speak. I am not the child, nor do I intend to become the child, of whom you speak.

I do not need help. I do not need help. I do not want help and I do not need help. I am an extremely effective, very intelligent college graduate. At 71, until I quit my freelance job, I was self employed and had been since 2006.

My daughter insists on judging me, psychoanalyzing me and, rather than be companionable at all, she infrequently drops into my life to pester me. She is not my only child, just my only functional child. She is an unhappy woman, who dislikes her profession and generally ends up disliking her clients. Who is she to tell me to get help?

Am I angry? You betcha. Older women in this country, whether they are attractive, personable, competent or gifted, unattractive and dotty, have gotten the economic shaft, since the beginning of our lives.

I don't want my family ever to be giving me care, and am taking steps to prevent it.

My daughter asked me recently (after taking me to task for everything from being overbearing to being manic) how I see my life and relationships (I barely have relationships) unfolding.

Good God.

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Elderly, Angry Parent
by: Anonymous

Amen!!! I am 48 and have taken care of my elderly mom for a long time. Her manipulation, complaints, and the statement "I can't do anything for myself anymore," has taken its toll on me.

She hates my husband, and tells him so all the time. I cannot take it anymore. I have decided that if I ever get like her and in her condition I will take matters into my own hand. She has made me miserable, depressed, unhappy, and has managed to make me hate the entire world. I grew up with her telling me, "well if it weren't for you being born I would have divorced your dad."

But now she has turned him into a martyr and seems to have forgotten the rotten things he did to her and us. She has never liked me due to my being the reason she was so unhappy having been born late in her life.

She has moved in with my sister and at this time I have to say sayanara---because right now I am so angry with what she has done that I cannot even talk to her. It is a shame that by trying to help your mother she has managed to turn me into the bitter, angry woman that she has been her whole life.

Understand conflicting Caregiving Views
by: Anonymous

I admire your views. I recovered from a stroke when my children were in there teens and never wanted to interfere or inhibit their lives in any way. I am now helping care for an angry parent who has cancer.

I feel so drained after spending a few hours with my mother. After which I can not even put my emotional state into words. I have told my children that if I get ill and can't care for myself to place me in a nursing home or skill center and to continue living their lives. I never want to take anything away from my children.

They deserve the right to live their life and to have a family of their on without taking care of an aging parent. When I am ill I just want to be left alone and what ever will be will be!

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