The Daughter

by Debbie
(Grass Valley, CA USA)

My house was paid off, we retired. With my parents care and now just mom, we have borrowed $80,000 on the house, to be paid off in 2042.

About a year ago My brother and wife offered to pay $10 a month to help with mom, their last two checks bounced, closed account. They moved into their 2nd new home in 3 years, a bigger home, the last one was 5 bedroom and 3 bath.

I was told they had severe financial problems and could do nothing to help. That two of their rental homes were not covering the costs etc.

Tired of his children and grand kids and parents his now wife moved them from CA to North Carolina to get away from "his family". In all fairness she dumped her last child on a daughter, to get rid of him.

We have paid all the expenses, we live on retirement, there is no money for a funeral if mom dies and they did not help with our fathers.

Their income is around $5,000 a month give or take she is working or rental income is back, he still works. I am now caregiving for husband who has had by-pass, and partial amputation on one leg etc. Never a how are you, nothing.

He does not come and see his children, grandchildren or mother, he does not help them to get back to see him. He has just walked away and what his wife tells him he does. His choice of course, he has to live with it.

I spent my adult life caring for my parents,no vacations, no extra money. I am resentful toward my brother and guilty because I am. Thanks for a place to sound off.

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It is so hard
by: Anonymous

I really feel for you. It is so hard to be the main caregiver and to have a sibling that is not doing anything to help, is the pits.

However, try not to let it keep you down. He will feel so much guilt when your Mom passes, and probably does already.

There are support groups and I feel that you should try to attend one. Try to at least have a counseling session with someone, even if it's just a Pastor. It will greatly help you to be heard. And there may be some resources available to you that you are unaware of.

You need help and I really am going to be praying for you. I pray that your brother, will at least step up and pay something towards your Mom's care monthly. And I pray that someone comes into your situation to give you help.

Does your nieces or nephews ever come by to visit? They could be of help too.
It is so hard for the caregiver when left alone. I feel for you. And yes, you do need to get it all out~

You will be compensated
by: Anonymous

You have a right to unload here!! I want to tell you, All good that you do in this world, will come back to you twofold!

Do not concentrate on what someone else doesn't do, wether they're family or not, you just do what you feel you need to do. Karma is very much alive, always has been.

We are all convicted, at one point or another. What WE need to strive for, is do what's right without being a dormat. Good Luck! and God Bless you!

Daughter, see a lawyer!
by: Anonymous

Visit Elder Law sites online to get ideas on how to cope with all this, financially and otherwise.

Look for ways you can benefit, get paid for what you do, and prevent future wipe-outs of money.

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