Struggling......

by Melissa
(California)

My mother and father moved to my town because of declining health about 3 years ago. Two days after they moved into their new house, my dad had a massive heart attack that has paralyzed him.


He lived in a skilled nursing facility for almost a year and I thought that was hard...going to work, taking mom to the hospital to sit with dad then checking on my family after work/school (I have two daughters and a husband), going back to the hospital staying until dad was settled in for bed and taking mom home and making sure she was safe for the night.

Dad has been living with mom now for about two years, he is bed bound and needs total care. I am there every day and night in between work, my kids and my neglected husband. I am also a stage 4 breast cancer survivor. There is no time to take care of myself, I feel as if I have aged 20 years in this last 3. To top it off, my mother hates that we have a caregiver coming in 4 hours a day to help with bathing, etc. Also, my sister comes out one weekend a month and my mother discourages her from doing so....she wants me to do it all. I don't think she cares about my health at all, as long as her and dad's needs are met.

I appreciate being able to vent and to get my feelings out. I feel as if no one understands. My co-workers aren't experiencing what I am going through and the parents of my daughter's friends always seem so carefree while I have so much on my plate. I don't know how to make it better.

Thank you for listening....

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You Deserve a Break
by: Anonymous

I have observed that parents single out the person that they feel most comfortable asking to do for them. Then they begin to assume that it is your job. You have a family: your children and your "neglected" husband. I try to think of it this way: Would your mother have neglected you and your siblings to take care of her parents? Does she expect your sister to do so?

My goodness, you have survived cancer and you must take care of yourself for your own sake and for the sake of your family. They will need you for many more years than your parents will. I don't mean to sound callous, but if it is economically feasible for an aide to help out with some of your mother's care, she should not make you feel guilty for spending that time with your loved ones, or just to have a free hour to rest.
I send you a hug and hope that you have a moment to take a deep, rejuvenating breath.

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