Struggling with Feelings

Caring for my mother is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I have been taking care of my mother with Alzheimer's for the past 6-7 years. She lives with me. She is now in stage 6 early 7.

Juggling the different feelings this creates is not easy.

I have feelings of resentment towards my father, who is living a retired bachelor's life un-involved in my mother's life. He, however, is the first one to object when I bring up the idea of putting her in a nursing home. He makes me feel guilty for even thinking about it "after everything they did for me".

I resent my brother who is a very selfish individual. Once in a blue moon, when he feels generous, he will offer to "baby-sit" mom so that I may have a few hours with my family.

I resent my husband for telling me every day, at least five times/day, that she needs to go.
It is true that we have no family life. Very rarely we can go out because I have nobody to stay with her and can't leave her alone.

I experience so many feelings: anger: why me?, resentment: why does everybody just assumed that this was my job? guilt: it is not her fault and everybody in her life has abandoned her, am I going to do the same? Compassion: she did not ask for this...it is a disease..
Love: she is my mother and she did sacrifice for me, how can I just send her away?

I find it difficult to cope. I find it difficult to have patience. I pray every day for patience and guidance. Perhaps the nursing home is the best place for her, but how do I deal with the guilt? Until I learn what is best for her, without feeling guilty, I continue to care for her, the best I can. Taking it day by day....it is all I can do.

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I hope You are Staying Strong.
by: Anonymous

Your decision is not going to make everyone happy. It's just not possible. We all struggle with guilt. It seems like every woman I talk to agonizes over every decision she makes.

I hope God gives you the answer you need. I imagine you feel yourself being pulled in many different directions.

What's best for your Mom, your husband, your kids, yourself will never be the same thing. That's what makes it so hard.

I will pray for peace for you.

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