Struggling with Feelings
Caring for my mother is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I have been taking care of my mother with Alzheimer's for the past 6-7 years. She lives with me. She is now in stage 6 early 7.
Juggling the different feelings this creates is not easy.
I have feelings of resentment towards my father, who is living a retired bachelor's life un-involved in my mother's life. He, however, is the first one to object when I bring up the idea of putting her in a nursing home. He makes me feel guilty for even thinking about it "after everything they did for me".
I resent my brother who is a very selfish individual. Once in a blue moon, when he feels generous, he will offer to "baby-sit" mom so that I may have a few hours with my family.
I resent my husband for telling me every day, at least five times/day, that she needs to go.
It is true that we have no family life. Very rarely we can go out because I have nobody to stay with her and can't leave her alone.
I experience so many feelings: anger: why me?, resentment: why does everybody just assumed that this was my job? guilt: it is not her fault and everybody in her life has abandoned her, am I going to do the same? Compassion: she did not ask for this...it is a disease..
Love: she is my mother and she did sacrifice for me, how can I just send her away?
I find it difficult to cope. I find it difficult to have patience. I pray every day for patience and guidance. Perhaps the nursing home is the best place for her, but how do I deal with the guilt? Until I learn what is best for her, without feeling guilty, I continue to care for her, the best I can. Taking it day by day....it is all I can do.